In the Morning:

Don't bang on the computer keys, kid.
Here's a computer workshop schedule, ma'am.
"How long can you have a Yahoo account until they charge you?"
Computer crash.
Computer crash.
Johnny Angel, by Danielle Steel, Kate remembered, by A. Scott Berg, and Gone too far, by Suzanne Brockman.
Librarian Q gets: "I'm looking for frogs, in color."
A man lost his bike helmet. He's been in the library five minutes ... Whoops! He found it.
Printer advice.
Internet advice.
Study room.
Microfilm problem.
Today's paper.
"Can I burn a CD here?" Sorry.
"My computer slows down after I use it awhile ..." Another question that should go to a tech support guy.
Basic beginner computer books.
Old dictionaries.
Printer advice.
Tecumseh motor repair manual.
"You put the copy in the machine and push the button, right?"
A woman believes our study room has whiteboards in them. White walls, yes, but not whiteboards.
Bus driving exams.

On my way to lunch a car slows down. The driver is a regular patron who wants to ask me a reference question.

In the Afternoon:

"Can I use the computer?" No, you're too small. "I TOLD you," says a second kid.
ESL materials.
Stapler.
Printer advice.
Outrageous misconduct, by Paul Brodeur.
Woman with two infant children asks Librarian Q for books on fertility.
Local Comcast phone number.
Why do people waiting at the desk assume I want to chat with them while I'm helping another patron?
Printer advice.
A man just doesn't understand why we don't permit church services in our meeting room.
Whiteout.
Today's paper.
Test book practice guides for a test I've never heard of.
Librarian Q gets: "Do you get interpersonal library loans?" He wanted the song Optimistic, by Sounds of Blackness.
Today's paper.
I show Mr. Interpersonal an All-music guide and he goes crazy choosing albums he wants to interpersonal loan. I am a little ashamed to say I was relieved that Librarian Q had to do the dirty work.
The August Woman's Day has vanished.
Investors business daily for last week
She wants to find a street in a nearby town, but we fail.
A patron disapproves of our stapler.
How to organize a fashion show.
Printer advice.
Here's a catalog terminal here, sir.
Librarian Y kicks me off the desk.

Internet signups: 36

In the Morning:

U-Haul phone numbers for a number of places.
Childhood's thief, by Rose Mary Evans.
Microfilm advice.
Don't run! (The little girl thought this highly amusing)
Book club signup.
Printer advice.
"Are the word processors still frozen?"
His document was in black and white and he wondered why it did not print in color.
Local freebie map.
Book club signup.
Map to local newspaper office.
City directories.
The master plan, by R. C. Allen.
The chocolate war, by Robert Cormier.
Try not typing the URL in caps, sir.
"Indian collectables," which morphed to "collectable knives."
Nearby newspaper.

In the Afternoon:

A girl calls to tell us she can't boot up her computer. I turn to Techie Y, who discovers that she has an Apex 100! Her dad had bought it at a garage sale, mistaking the 5 1/4" drive slots for CD-ROM drives.
New York times.
A circ clerk kicks a man off a fifteen-minutes only internet terminal after an hour, so he files a complaint.
Blue screen of death.
Books on optical illusions.
She broke a cassette and is all apologetic. We soothe her.
Bibles.
Don't run!
Librarian X and I have started to talk about food, which means it's late in the day.
Printer advice.
Stapler.
Who moved my cheese? by Spencer Johnson.
Limericks.
Weeping willows dance, When we practice to deceive, and Promises to keep, by Gloria Mallette.
Somewhere near circ, a child sounds like she's being tortured.
Sorry, no internet, we're ready to close.

Internet Signups: 26

In the Morning:

(I thought rather than just give the total Internet signups at the end of the entry I would show how they appear in the course of a shift:)

My god they can talk loud in circ.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
"Books on musicians, rappers."
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
He wants to log into a job site but first he needs an email account blah blah.
Printer advice.
Internet signup.
All the good Hotmail names are taken, sir.
Definition of "aesthetic."
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
The password you chose needs to be longer, sir.
Internet signup.
Tissue.
Computer workshop question.
Internet signup.
ASVAB books.
Telephone book.
Internet signup.
Local map.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Brilliant, by Marnie Kellogg, We can still be friends, by Kelly Cherry, and The dogs of Babel, by Carolyn Parkhurst.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Computer crash.
Computer crash.
Computer crash.
Computer crash.
Computer crash.
Computer crash. At this point I realize the network is down.
Computer workshop info.
"I like biographies and autobiographies."
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Hilary's scheme, by Carl Lowbacher.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
People often look bewildered when I explain that I cannot sit with them and teach them how to use the computer.
Yellow pages.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Book club signup.
Internet signup.

In the Afternoon:

(We had help at the computer desk by now.)

The new thought police, and The death of right and wrong, by Tammy Bruce.
"What is the minimum wage?"
Internet signup.
"Can I use your catalog?"
Footloose on DVD.
Microfilm advice.
Books on the Romanovs, esp. Anastasia.
Internet signup.
Local senator's address.
Kids fighting in the stacks. "No, we weren't."
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Nursing exam practice books. What a rude woman.
Librarian Y gets a request for kosher pepper books, I think.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Internet signup.
Of mice and men, by John Steinbeck (on tape). I couldn't find it. "That's okay, I still got the Cliff Notes."

In the Afternoon:

Roofing companies in Omaha. "Omaha, Ohio".
Marriage announcement in a June paper.
Printer advice.
Spanish instruction tapes, CD-ROMs, etc.
Computer crash.
Wither, by John Passarella.
2001 tax forms.
Today's paper.

In the Evening:

7 notarizations.
Don't run!
Handbag price guides.
I said don't run!!
A complicated library card question gets sent to me, of all people.
God's gift to women, by Michael Baisden.
A very nice (and attractive) would-be librarian asks for career advice. Heh.
Today's paper.
Church phone number.
Book club signup.
Dark Magic, by Christine Freehan, but he really wanted books on the occult, not romance novels.
"Books on buttons. How do I get one, how much they cost." He actually said patents. My bad.
Extensive printing advice (full color wedding photos from a Hotmail message).
Placing a hold demo (Seabiscuit, by Laura Hillenbrand).
Proquest demo.
Pregnancy and childbirth books, and later she wanted baby name books. I guess she's getting ready ...
A food bank menu, whatever that is.
Last minute printing advice.

Internet Signups: 40

In the Morning:

Pen.
"Sign this."
Silhouette Dreamscapes series books.
A lot of local phone company phone numbers.
Today's paper hasn't arrived yet, sir.
Study room.
The Rainmaker, but which one?
Info on the National Home Oxygen Patients Association.
Plimsleur French instruction tapes, the long series. Then the patron calls me Dennis.

In the Afternoon:

Librarian Y reads The fabulous sex organ diet, by John Van Reginald Tomlinson III.
Harry Potter and the order of the phoenix, by J. K. Rowling.
Books on wild bears and flowers? Oh, wild berries ...
Librarian Y gets a patron who wants a "pleading for a wrongful death" form.
July 18 paper.
Blood diamonds, by Greg Campbell.
Shut up! I mean, Shhh.
Copier advice (Turn the page over, sir).
Pencil.
Can I help you? "No."
Pencil.
Email advice.
Stapler.
Someone lost some cassettes.
Videos on the Galapagos islands.
"What time it is?"
Info on Stephanie Mills.
"I need a newspaper for North Carolina. What kind of papers they got in North Carolina?"
"I don't have Yahoo. I'm using Microsoft Network" (Same patron).
To kill a mockingbird, by Harper Lee, on CD.
Definition of "Dead heads" and "Glorytits." Much laughter on the other end of the phone.
Civil war books on tape.

Internet Signups: 31

In the Morning:

Eat right 4 your type, by Peter D'Adamo and Catherine Whitney.
Librarian X describes last night's dream involving Tony Bourdain and tapas.
"Atkinson's diet."
Papers "out of Vermont." Old ones.
Nector in a sieve, by Kamala Markandaya.
Kate remembered, by A. Scott Berg.
Tapping your card on my desk won't make me go any faster ...
The Kennedy curse, by Edward Klein.
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
The latest books on business loans, grants, and business plans.
A woman berated us because she couldn't find any school bus repair books.
Eat right 4 your type, by Peter D'Adamo and Catherine Whitney. Our second copy. D'Adamo must have been on a talk show.
Printer advice.
Bathroom key won't work.
Flyfishing tips, by Paul N. Fling, et al.
Death, taxes, and leaky waders, by John Gierach.

In the Afternoon:

Book called "Soul in the hole."
The public interest (journal).
Internet help.
Notarization.
The origin of everyday moods, by Robert E. Taylor.
"Mick Foley books, or Louis L'Amour."
I stop and talk with Childrens Librarian X, who tells me that we can throw people out of the library for hitting their kids. Wish I had known that last week.
"Matthew Lesko books. No, not that one. The one with all the Lesko books in it. Don't you have anything newer?"
Animal farm, by George Orwell.
Books on kitten care.

Internet Signups: 60