In the Morning:

Printer advice.
More printer advice.
Sorry sir, Glorious appearing isn't out yet.
Baby names.
Where to get a phone book.
The spelling of "Tremendously."
Sorry, I can't read our computer workshop schedule over the phone.
Shut up! (several times, to our homeless friends)
Copier advice.
Tax counseling info.
Benjamin's ghosts, by Gerhard Richter.
Phone number for a local lawyer.
Copier advice.
"They told me to come here to get divorce forms."
Bus lines to correctional facilities.
I fax a computer workshop schedule.
Phone for the local animal control.
Stock quotes from 2003. The man laughs at everything I say.
What kind of file do you need to print, sir?
He did not read a sign, a copier took his money, and he's mad at me.
Pipe fitting.
Everyone seems to think I'm their best buddy today. It's driving me nuts.

In the Afternoon:

The souls of black folk, by W.E.B. Du Bois.
The sixteenth round, by Rubin Carter.
Someone at circ strangles another baby.
More divorce books.
"Excuse me, sir, I need you to get me started on the internet."
Today's paper.
"Excuse me again sir, I need you to get me started on the internet again."
The workshop started at 2. She comes at 2:40 and wonders where everyone is.
An internet question: "I don't see the car."
The third request for divorce forms today.
Reboot.
Copier advice, or "Sir come here please."

Later in the Afternoon:

Psychotherapy east and west, by Alan Watts.
I believe he can't get the web page to come up because he's never used the internet. He can barely use a mouse.
Today's paper.
Okay, it's not like the patrons think I'm their best buddy today. Rather, they're laughing at their own especially (for a Tuesday) stupid jokes.
Too young for the internet, kids. "Wait until next year!"
Tax forms are over there, ma'am, and you can download the ones we don't carry.
He's lost the website again. I knew this would happen.
Immortal beloved.
We nearly lose a man's ID.
She tells two girls: "I'm not bringing you guys to the library again.".
Front desk will sell you a floppy, sir.
Bodybuilding.
We nearly lose another ID.
Part of the Wall Street journal is missing. He's going to speak to the manager.
He went from "books on religion" to "books that show you that religion is good."
Papers from 1994.
Awakening, by Cate Tiernan. Not The awakening, by Kate Chopin. The patron mumbled a lot.
Egyptian art.
Microfilm reader advice.
Break dancing.
Printer advice.
"I have to write a ten-page paper about Imperialism." And I want to strangle her teacher.

In the Evening

She wants to know how to download and use program we don't allow.
7 days of newspapers.
Printer advice.
More printer advice while she tells me how much better another library is.
Real estate law.
General law (different patron).
She has to read a short story for class. Any story. She has no idea.

Librarian Y please come home. Or I'll steal your office supplies.

In the Afternoon:

"Where does the photocopy come out?"
Cookery, dogs and weight loss.
"I have no idea how to get to the information on my disk."
Bathroom.
Counseling children, I think. He was vague.
Copier advice.
The workshop will be in that room, ma'am.
A missing ILL.
Scratch paper.
Counseling children (the patron's partner).
Diego Rivera.
There's a workshop in that room now, ma'am.
A play called Do not go gentle. I have to assume it's this one.
There's a workshop in that room now, sir.
Background on "The world histories of civilization" and the publisher, World Publishing Company.

In the Evening

There's a payphone in the lobby, sir.
Of mice and men, by John Steinbeck.
Her book doesn't list the publisher's home.
A short explanation of the Dewey Decimal System.
Birth notice from 2001.
Our books in spanish.
Tax assessors office.
Copier advice.
Guillotines.
"Age of ..." something or other. I forget now.
DNA.
Reboot.
"Is computer 13 ..?" What?
"The Dewey Decimal System number for bankruptcy."
Reboot.
Another dissatisfied internet user.
Sir, I'm not bloody tech support. If you want that device driver you need to come in.
Omar Tyree books.
"Are the internets backed up tonight?" Oh, yes.
God's gift to women, by Michael Baisden. Damn it, why can't people remember their library cards?
Police Brutality.
Genesis of the grail kings, by Laurence Gardner, and books about Constantine I.
I somehow fix the microfilm printer problem, to the astonishment of both myself and the patron.
Sorry ma'am, voter registration is closed now.
Sunday paper.
The $50 and up underground house book, by Mike Oehler, and Living well on practically nothing, by Edward H. Romney. He comes back for Eat Well for 99 cents a meal, by Bill and Ruth Kaysing.
Her document won't print, but she has no time to solve the problem and leaves.
Computer workshop schedule.
Costume design.
Obits from 1972.
Copier advice and the menace of zooming.
Twenty minutes to go and she's going to start a resume.
Pencil.
They'll sell you a disk at the front desk, and they'll break a fiver too.
Printer advice.
Microsoft FrontPage

Librarian Y please come home. Nothing is forgiven. I know. I'm stealing Dorothy Parker here ...

In the Morning:

"I need books on fear, like fear in society like the type of fear which media comes up ..."
Radio dramas on CD.
The copier makes change, ma'am.
Power to the people, by Vijay Vaitheeswaran.
John Adams, by David McCullough.
Stapler.
Sylvia Plath (voices in poetry).
Card tricks and magic.
"How do I get on Google?"
Nearest IRS office.
Local Lion's Club.
Endless printer and copier advice for a clueless patron.
Yesterday's paper.
Has a book come in for her?
The richest man in Babylon, by George Clason, and Spin Selling, by Neil Rackham.
Criss-cross.
The Mayor.
You check out books over there, ma'am.
Diabetes.

In the Afternoon:

Last Friday's paper.
Charles Manson. "You think there's anything on the internet about it?"
I fold some bus schedules.
Printer advice.
Reboot.
Printer advice.
Reboot, reboot and reboot.
Shut up, kids.
Donald Goines books.
Printer advice.
"I can't see. Can you write that out for me?"
Within our gates.
He locked the key in the bathroom.
Tax forms are over there, sir.
"Real life stories about people." She's happy in the biographies.
Computer workshop schedules.
He needs a better word than "done," but refuses my offer of a thesaurus.
Printer advice. Every patron who comes up is stupider than the last.
Catalog advice.
Screenplays. "I've been through this section for two days ..." Stupider than the last ...
To kill a mockingbird, by Harper Lee.
Sorry, sir, we don't tutor middleschoolers here.
Printer advice for the same stupid patron.
Tax forms are over there, ma'am.
Today's paper.
Tax forms are over there, sir.
Pencil.
"I've been searching the net for twenty minutes for this and no one told me that I have to pay for prints. This is important information from the Veterans Administration ..."

Librarian Y please come home.

In the Afternoon:

They'll make change at the front desk, ma'am.
"I hit something and it messed it up."
A whine about paying for the copier.
Pencil and paper.
A call wrongly transferred to us.
Copier advice.
"Robert Flemming, who invented the guitar."
Where are today's papers?
Investors business daily.
I hate salesman, so I transfer her to my boss.
I leave to conduct a workshop. I come back.
Today's paper.
A US road atlas he can check out.
Printer advice. Cool brit accent.
Printer advice. They mess it up and whine for their money.
Our PR person's email.
A list of college radio stations.
Diabetes.
Tax forms.
Stapler.

In the Evening:

Hamsters.
Honduras.
The woman at the copier just can't figure it out. She calls out to Librarian Q: "Ma'am? ...Ma'am? ...Ma'am?"
A cop tells off a couple of our brattier middleschooler, which makes me smirk.
Another internet policy whine.
The lost boy, by Dave Pelzer. Someone left a copy on our counter. The patron is amazed when I pick it up and hand it to her.
Vikings.
Stop hitting each other, kids, or you're off the machines.
They'll make change at the front desk, sir.
I give my microfilm reader lecture. She calls me by my first name because she read it off my badge. I hate that.
The TV version of Purlie, and Crossfire trail.
The Wiz, but the interview is slowed by his belief that the title is "Oz.".
A bible. "Never mind," says the kid.
Mat wrestling.
Typing instruction on CD-ROM.
"Ferraris." Here you are. "... Lamborghinis." Let me show you how to use the catalog.
Betsy Ross.
Two teenage boys converge on a tiny screaming girl in the stacks. They carry her off to her fate (the parents).
Practical nursing guidebooks.
Now another teenage boy hunts down another tiny girl. At least she's not screaming.
"Who do I put down as the editor of Occupational outlook handbook.
Something about Chrysler being bought out.
She'll settle for just about anyone close to that name living in Las Vegas.
Books by Gordon Fee.
That's not a reference book. You can check it out, sir.
Sorry, we don't give away old newspapers, ma'am.
I hate these four-hour shifts ...

In the Afternoon:

Twelve pizzas have arrived.
Computer workshop info.
Get change at the front desk, sir.
The literacy rate in 1890.
The phone number to the Solicitor General.
Books on writing.
Copier advice.
Local drivers licence bureau phone.
"I have some money to give to Alzheimer's"
Donald Goines books.
January 27 paper.
Today's paper. "I'M TOTALLY DEAF!"
Local depart of revenue phone.
1937 obituary.
Reporting civil rights 1941-1963.
Stapler.
Reboot.
Stapler.
2001 yearbook.
He whispers "Someone left porn on a machine." His breath is terrible. And the woman wasn't even naked.
Printer advice.
The five people you meet in heaven, by Mitch Albom. She thought it was six people.
Our porn snitch comes back to report another patron. Again, the woman was clothed.

In the Evening:

DC area businesses that make over a million dollars.
Can I help you? "No."
Tax counseling is downstairs, sir.
Phone number to a local parochial school.
No, she wants the phone number to the church that runs the school. Sigh.
Tax counseling is downstairs, sir.
Books on appliques. She refuses my help.
A book called "Black Year," but I can't find it anywhere ...
Angela Davis and the Black Panthers.
Last Wednesday's paper.
Sigh. Last Thursday and Friday's papers.
You know how to make me feel so good, by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes.
2002 newspapers.
Chesapeake Appraisals phone number.
Jelly Roll Morton.
Baby names.
Harriet Tubman's family.
My back is killing me.
Amelia Earhart.
Pencil.
No, kid, you can't plug your scanner in here.
Don't run!
To search for the obit, sir, I will need a last name.
Get with the program, by Bob Greene.
Another whine about our computer policy. My backache is creeping into my head.
Printer advice.
I leave to conduct a workshop. No one comes. I return to the desk.
Left behind, by Tim Lahaye and Jerry B. Jenkins.
Rubber band.
Online catalog advice.
They'll sell you a disk at circ, ma'am.
The history of Harlem, which leads to a discussion on gentrification.
How to spell "Rosa Parks."
Printer advice. She demands her dime back.
What year did JFK die? She then proceeds to tell me where she was, how the nuns were crying, etc.
Scissors.
The GI bill, by Milton Greenberg.

No Signup Required: 8

In the Morning:

"Books on the 1980s television musical shows."
"Homestead tax credit forms."
Verdi's Requiem on CD.
Computer workshop info. She's way too nice for so early in the morning.
More workshop info.
The sunday paper.
The spelling of a businessman's wife's name.
Wholesaler's phone number.
Copier advice.
The writing of business proposals.
Computer workshop info. He's going to show up at one of the workshops I teach, I know it.
Valueline.
Spanish instruction tapes.
The phone company won't give him a phone book.

In the Afternoon:

"How much does it cost to get a library card here?"
He's got twenty windows open and he wonders why the browser crashed.
Staying sober, by Terence T. Gorski and Marlene Miller. I accidently hang up on the patron, but she was nice about it.
Valueline.
Printer advice.
All the GED books are gone, sir.
Books by Daphna R. Moore.
You check out books over there, sir.
Study room.
City directory.
Printer advice.
Sir, this is the staff stairway. You want the other one.
I leave to conduct a workshop.

No Signup: 8