Yesterday:

"I need books about Marcus Gravy." You mean Marcus Garvey? "Garvey, Gravy, whatever."

In the Afternoon:

Type your barcode in to start an online session.
Tax forms are over there.
Sorry, I don't know if Napoleon Dynamite is any good.
Type your barcode ...
Pencil.
"I need a magazine article and I need your help because I know things are not like they used to be ..."
They're too loud, but it's a mother explaining the online catalog to her young daughter. I grit my teeth.
They leave, and and their computer has crashed.
Directions to the library.
Cromagnon man.
Conviction, by Leonard Levitt.
The wedding, by Nicholas Sparks.
Type your barcode ...
Type your barcode ...
CD-ROMs are downstairs, sir.
I ask for her to remove her baby, but she's just leaving anyway.
The call number is that number on the spine, ma'am.
I read that the new Microsoft Search Engine doesn't index Blogspot (owned by Google) pages. This one doesn't come up. Hmm ...
Don't run!
Identity theft? Call the FBI.
You print from this machine here, sir.
Type your barcode ...
Galileo.
Microsoft Word is that blue "W," ma'am.
I give a lady extra time on a WP so she can do her footnotes.
Printer advice.
More printer advice.
Dictionaries are over here, sir.
Oh god, more printer advice. Same patron all three times.
I cancel a computer reservation.
She doesn't read the debit card machine directions, and I get sighed at.
William Harvey.
The local paper online.
Yes, you can take you kid to the kids section, ma'am. That's what it's for.
I extend a man's time so he can finish an application.
Kids' books are downstairs, ma'am.
Today's paper.
I extended the wrong computer's time and he lost his application. I apologize a lot.
A book called "Faith under fire," but which one?
Stapler.
MORE printer advice for the same guy. And it's a bust. He didn't save and now it's gone.
Printer advice for other people.
Sorry, I can't extend your time. We're closing.

An amazingly tall woman asks if oversized books can be checked out. Well, I found it funny.

Yay!

Librarian C was born Saturday and was 6 pds, 15.4 oz. She'll start for us right away. However, Librarian Y is avoiding her duties by doing the maternity leave thing and won't be back until April, maybe.

Back from a three-week vacation. Ready for the challenges of a new year.

In the Morning:

The Attorney General and Solicitor General of the United States.
W-5 forms.
Someone who lived in this town in the 1920s by the name of "May." Apparently he had an expensive car.
How to reach our CEP tax assistance people. They made a mistake.
Printer advice.
Our CEP people have made another mistake.
Microfilm reader advice.
Computer class signup.
Sunday's paper.
Books by Beverly Lewis.
Her mouse won't work.
More microfilm reader advice.
1040A.
Press the green button, sir.
Domain names and how to assign them.
There's a pay phone in the lobby, sir.
PDR.
A total stranger calls me "Mister Peter."
Books on Windows XP and The Perricone Promise, by Nicholas Perricone.
Ma'am, I don't think this is a fax number. The other end just said "Hello."
Resume books.
State tax forms.
Computer crash.
I don't know the form you need, sorry, ma'am.
More tax forms.
Computer crash.
"Can I put my baby on my tax form?"
You may sit at any open computer, ma'am.
Tax forms are over there, sir.
Fax.
You can add money to your card with that machine over there, sir.
Computer illiterate, and legally blind.
Computer workshop schedule (not for him).
Cookbooks.
She wonders where her ILL is?
Books by Mary Wesley.
The coldest winter ever, by Sister Souljah.
Librarian Y arrives. She is very very very very very very very very pregnant. A ticking time bomb.
Poetry about death through drugs, or something like that.
IL-1363.
I don't know how to fill out that form, sir.
Help with Grangers.
Computer workshop signup.
Valueline.
The patron admits it: "The copier is smarter than I am."
Yes, sir, you're on the list for the class.

In the Afternoon:

"Prayer in the public schools, the constitution, just point me to the spot."
Stapler.
She can't reach ILL and it's the library's fault. Click.
Pen.
Change for a five.
L-1363.
I reset the print server. Twice.
"Someone in the bathroom and won't open the door."
Tom Stoppard.
Today's paper.
CEP tax help schedule.
DNA and ribosomes.
I reset two terminals.
Consumer reports.
Your GED books haven't arrived yet, ma'am.
Keep it down, girls.
A four year-old takes a book from the reference shelves because it's pink ......
While her sister dances into the stacks.
You may know how a certain patron (or pack of them) can make you dread coming to work, but while I was on vacation they were banned from the library for fighting. This has made my return bearable.
CEP tax help info.
Don't run, girls.
Missing JFK book.
Fax.
State tax forms.
The thumping behind me is a 2 year-old boy pushing a footstool, sneaking behind the counter.
Computer workshop info.CEP tax help info.

I've changed my mind about that "challenges of a new year" rubbish.

A woman waits twenty minutes for us to tell her the grammar books are three feet behind her.
Librarian B has a man who needs an email account but he's never used a computer and he has to type up a resume and send it to the the power plant because he knows the plant like the back of his hand. He's going on and on about his lack of computer skills. Poor Librarian B can only nod and smile.
And a twenty-minute series of apologies and thank-you's.
I get a patron who has three days to write an extensive paper on world cultures. It is Librarian B's turn to pity me.
How can her file be Word Perfect when she ONLY uses Microsoft Word?
Carrie, by Stephen King, and Animal Farm, by George Orwell. Interesting reading list ...