In the Evening:

I come to the desk and immediately two patrons start running.
Vols 2 and 3 of Gunslinger girl.
No charge for music any more, sir (The man pumps his fists and heads for the CDs).
Who played the Huey Long character in All the king's men?
A circ clerk wants to know where her Interlibrary Loan is.
Terrific thunder outside.
How to put money on your debit card.
The latest Guinness world records.
Her file won't open.
Pregnancy books in Spanish.
I'm afraid those streets don't meet, sir. They run parallel.
The marine meets his match, by Cathie Linz.
Vertical limit.
The doors here have all gone squeaky at once.
Why can't he log in to a public terminal?
Sorry ma'am, we don't have an index to the local paper.
Music producing.
They'll renew your card over there, sir.
How to print.
A complaint about all the kids.
How to reserve a computer.
Beat it, kids.
The kid section is downstairs, sir.
How to print.
How to print.
Bathroom's over there, kid.
Scram, kids.
Printer advice.
More damn kids.
"Is so-and-so here?"
Don't run!
Printer advice.
What's on the Mexican flag, in Spanish.
"Fiction about love."
I burned out an hour ago, and there's fifteen minutes left ...

In the Afternoon
The art of war, by Sun Tzu, The prince, by Machiavelli, and Behold a pale horse, by William Cooper.
The diary of Anne Frank (Oh, this is ridiculous. Do I really need to put links on books like this and "The prince?" I don't think so! Everyone is aware of those books!).
Landlord/tenant forms.
They'll renew your card over there, kid.
A newspaper is returned.
Don't run!
The Illinois circuit breaker form.
Event signup.
Toys.
Today's paper.
How to reserve one of our computers.
They'll look up your number over there.
I instruct a number of patrons on making a computer reservation, printing, using a thumb drive, etc.
Another reservation screwup.
And more reservation instruction.
Did I mention today's the first day of school?
"She needs your help over there."
"We've been in two hundred libraries around the country, and this computer signup system is the most complicated I've ever seen!" I suspect he may be right.
Books on improving memory.
Someone will take your picture in a moment, ma'am.
It finally quiets down.
Librarian Y discuss the merits of outsourcing library administration.
An loud argument in circ over library fines ends up well.
Printer advice.
I hope the rest of the semester isn't like this ...

Herb Albert

The album he's looking for is Rise, by Herb Albert.

Not Herb Alpert, the patron says. That's a completely different musician. He's certain.

Later that Day

Older Man: I need to see today's local paper.
Younger Man: So do I.
Me: Good thing we have two copies. Here you go.
Older Man: (Thumbing through the classifieds) Need to find someone to mow my lawn.
Younger Man: You need someone to mow your lawn? I can do that.

They're sitting and talking it over now.

I kick a guy out of the library. He had been wandering around aimlessly for a full hour, stopping only to chat up women, who were trying to ignore him.

I finally noticed him after Librarian J pointed him out. He talked to a young woman and walked away. I went up to her and asked her if she knew him. "No."

Well, let us know if he's bothering you, I tell her. The woman on the computer beside her says "Count me in, too!"

Five minutes later I'm kicking him out.. A woman nearby said "Finally!" A couple of others were visibly pleased he was going.

What gets me is why didn't anyone complain before? I'd have happily tossed the asshole out the door an hour ago if I had known ...

In the Afternoon:

State map.
The executioner's song, by Norman Mailer.
Fax number.
Bathroom?
Computer reservation issue.
"Is Librarian M there?"
Angeles Y Demonios, by Dan Brown.
She wants the fax number again. Bad cell phone connection.
Printer advice.
Notarization.
Mary Mary, by James Patterson.
I am ordered off the desk.
I return an hour later.
Contact information for Founders Insurance.
No cell phones, kid.
Computer class information.
"Key to the bathroom?"
GED books, especially algebra.
I explain the way the travel books are arranged, twice.
Final destination 3 and ATL.
Illinois rules of the road.
Where are our ebooks? Do you still rent computer games? How can you search different libraries?
Shut up, kids.
Two little girls in blue, by Mary Higgins Clark, S is for silence, by Sue Grafton, and anything by Zane, and ... and ...
Ingles sin barreras.
The bible on audiocassette.
Where's my replacement?
A patron tells me quite strongly that I should read the works of Tove Jansson.
Fax.
"I need more time on the computer. I'm looking for a job."
Videos about angels.
A confusing question about e-mail.
Click on that globe icon right there, ma'am.
Finally, my replacement.

In the Afternoon:

You parked in the wrong parking garage, ma'am. We can't validate your ticket.
Restrooms are over there, ma'am.
Intense demographic information for a small town not near here. "It's in the 'Fact Book.'"
How to get here. The voice over the phone is so loud you can hear it half a room away.
Local immigration office.
Why can't he get longer than a one-day loan period for this item? We're confused, too.
You get library cards over there, ma'am.
If a lady answers the phone and says "Good afternoon, So-and-So Law Firm," I don't think we dialed their fax number.
"I want books about mystery, love and death." Don't we all?
1984 Chevrolet Camaro repair manual.
You get library cards over there, ma'am.
Resumes.
You can just take the microfilm you want from the drawers yourself, sir.
Divorcing.
"How many books can I check out at once?"
Scratch paper's over there, ma'am.
Another library calls about an ILL problem.
ASVAB books.
Behold a pale horse, by Milton William Cooper.
Citizenship classes.
He printed someone else's document. I think he expects a refund.
More printer advice.
I sign in a visitor to an internet terminal.
They'll break a dollar over there.
The patron donates a mistakenly-printed coupon for Aquafina Sparkling and donates it to us.
The color purple, on DVD.
I sign in a visitor to an internet terminal.
Adobe Acrobat's upgrade bot nearly crashes another computer.
Computer reservation problem.
Computer reset.
Yes, sir, we have magazine article databases.
He wants to identify his pet spider.
Shut up, kids.
"Books on calories and carbohydrates."
Librarian Y gets endless questions about the availability of Dragonball Z, volume by volume.