GRY

For every librarian who has dealt with this question, and had to deal with confusion of an innocent patron who doesn't get it (because the whole thing is so STUPID!), I provide this link.

Print it out and tell the patron to take it to whoever was smug enough to ask them in the first place (Scribble more red ink onto the blood in panel five if you can find the right pen). If it's their teacher, put your name on it, and where they can find you. Look forward to the conversation.

I would like to say ...

I get such a warm, fuzzy feeling when I have eject a patron when the temperature outside is Zero.

Stupidity

It took all of ten minutes of fruitless catalog searching and head scratching before I realized that the woman's name is Coretta Scott King, not Loretta Scott King.

Meanwhile young patron (who knew the proper spelling but was unaware that I didn't) blindly trusted my judgement and waited patiently while I wondered why the hell I wasn't getting any hits.

In the Afternoon:

Jodi Picoult books.
How to get a library card.
Fingerprinting.
"My bloody life," by Reymundo Sanchez (I'm sick and tired of finding new links to books I've mentioned thousands of times).
(Forgive me. I'm grumpy for having to work all weekend and then having to come in today)
Tuskegee airmen on VHS? Sorry.
Librarian Y is weeding the philosophy books while laughing evilly.
"The movie 'The hill.' ... Not that one. It didn't have James Bond in it."
Printer advice.
World's greatest treasury of health secrets, requested by a man talking on a cell phone while driving.
CFE? ... no. MCFE? ... no. IFSEA? ... no ...
You: the owner's manual, by "that guy who's on Oprah all the time."
"You're a bachelor, so you ought to know where the love poems are ..." Etc. etc.
Martin Luther King books.
No cell phones, sir ... sir?
The Sunday paper.
Breast cancer.
She picks up a book on hold for her.
Stock trading.
Orkin phone number.
In the womb, by Peter Tallack.
I should kick a girl off the computer for using her mother's card, but she's actually working on a project, so I simply give her a warning.
Sorry, lady. No state tax forms yet.
Don't run!
She thought that "Fairweather friend" by Johnny Gill was an album, but it's actually a song.
"The lion king" on DVD.
I can't remember the titles of the next two books ....
She didn't save her document ...
No cell phones, please (and this one WORKS here).
He makes signing up for our computer classes way too complicated ...
Off to a bloody meeting ...

In the Evening:

The margins on his Word document are screwed up. "I'm computer illiterate."
New library card signup over there, sir.
"You know how to download MP3s off these computers? You don't have a son, do you?"
I sign a guest into the Internet network.
"Are you allowed to download music on the computer?" (Different patron)
Now she's confused about the music retrieval software she's trying to install (First patron).
Paperbacks?
We try to charge a girl thirty bucks to use the computers, but she doesn't bite.
Don't run!
Horror novels.
Don't run!
Good will hunting. Oddly, the cover photo on our catalog is for a Twilight Zone anthology.
We cannot locate her ILL request.
You return DVDs over there, sir.
It's a little disconcerting when surfing anime/manga sites (Hey, I order the stuff, so it's work!) to follow a link and wind up on my own blog. Thanks, Tango.
Don't run!
Guitar instruction on DVD.
Something about the end times on DVD. I don't think he knows, either.

In the Late Afternoon

Someone returns the ruler.
Don't run!
The other side of midnight.
Forgot your card? Check with circ. Those guys over there. ...Over there.
Ranma 1/2 v.4.
We're wondering when we're getting the spring college catalogs, too.
Tax forms won't be out until January. Sorry.
Daycare and plumbing.
No toilet paper in the ladies room.
No limit to the number of books you can check out, sir.
Librarian Y releases me from captivity.