In the Morning:

He was writing an "editorial" on women in the military. He needed books, and a word processor. He also needed help with his wheelchair and printer advice. Meanwhile the line behind him began to grumble.
Book club signup.
Electrical engineering books, also ceramics.
How much tax he had to withhold from his employee's checks, and boy, what an asshole.
Computer crash.
Lake house, by James Patterson, The eleventh hour, by Catherine Coulter, The Da Vinci code, by Dan Brown, Sleep no more, by Greg Isles, and The second time around, by Mary Higgins Clark. I suspect this lady was about to go on vacation.
A section of Morningstar was missing. The woman was shocked, shocked.
Printer advice.
Pencil.
Word processors are down there, ma'am.
Printer advice.
Books on how moslems conduct business.
She wanted the internet so she could look up words. I gave her a dictionary. She was happy.
Manufacturers for this state, then associations.
Step-ball change, by Jeanne Ray.
Chemistry books.
"I'm not familiar with the internet." Sigh.
No, we don't have DVD players for public use.

In the Afternoon:

'93 Dodge Caravan repair manual.
Pencil.
We returned your ID to you, sir.
Librarian Z is regaled with a man's tale of how much Gaterade he drinks in this hot weather.
Do we deliver books to inmates?
Basic Spanish instruction tapes and books.
How to spell "Puerto Rico."
"Do you have books on U.S. history?"
CEO of American Airlines.
Today's paper.

Internet Signups: 32

In the Morning:

There's a spider lurking over one of the word processor stations.
Internet station crash.
Bathroom?
Internet station crash.
2002 Yearbook.
Yesterday's paper.
Computer crash.
"Can you tell me if someone's there? It's an emergency!"
Valueline.
Books by Jackie Collins and Alice Walker.
I explain the concept of attaching files to email several times.
Thieves Paradise, by Eric Jerome Dickey.
"I'm computer illiterate." Let's leave it at that.
Passenger and immigration lists - Germans to America, 1850-1874 and 1875-1888, on cdrom.
W-2 form (Librarian Y tries to explain why we don't have them).
Printer advice.

In the Afternoon:

Grant proposal writing books.
I tell a child not to run, so he skips.
Reading club signup.
Books in Spanish.
Angus, thongs, and full-frontal snogging, by Louise Rennison (First of a series, and of course, the only one that's not on the shelf).
Both newspapers are out, sir.
Location of a half way house, and directions, which involved several directories and guides, and the help of a nearby patron who knows the neighborhood.
Nursing careers.
Books on hold are at the circulation desk, sir.
Books on hold are at the circulation desk, ma'am.

Internet Signups: 30

In the Morning:

Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret, by Judy Blume.
City directories.
She didn't seem to believe me when I told her where the hardcover fiction was.
"Do you have any reading glasses I can borrow?"
Pen.
Today's paper.
Autobiography of Malcolm X, by Malcolm X and Alex Haley.
You can buy a disc at the circ desk, ma'am.
Back issues of Scientific American for checkout.
Nursing assistant guidebooks.
1040X
Paper and pencil.
Dictionaries.
"I meant medical dictionaries." Grr.
I get a sick joy sometimes when I listen to the "computer illiterate" try to explain their technical problems.

In the Afternoon:

Bus schedule.
Local attorneys.
Sheet music for Harbor lights, Green grass of home, Mammas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys, 'Til the last teardrop falls, and one other I can't remember.
Bathroom?
Eminem books.
Computer workshop schedule, whoops, he just wanted to know which room.
Solar system maps.
Map of Palestine (not Israel) and printer advice.
More printer advice.
Microfilm machine won't focus.
ASVAB book.
Today's paper.
To the nines, by Janet Evanovich.
A patron stopped by, blabbed what I gather was a library joke, and moved on.
Monkey's raincoat, Stalking the angel, Lullaby town, and Free fall by Robert Crais.
Competitive runner's handbook, by Bob Glover.

Internet Signups: 57

In the Morning:

He wants to fill out the ILL forms himself.
It looked like they were sharing popcorn, but it was a handful of wrapped candy, which is acceptable.
Fun with the family in Michigan, by William Semion.
Carpal tunnel books.
Two notarizations.
"The most up-to-date phone book."
Computer crash.
Zip code book.
Phone number for the "American Historical Society" (She meant the American Historic Society).
Follow the river, by James Alexander Thom.
Yes, the computers over there have FrontPage.
Stapler.
An Internet user told me that another internet user had assaulted him, twice (not in the library) and asked me to call the police.
Latino biographies.
Local employment info.

In the Afternoon:

Apparently the police did visit, but nothing much happened.
We don't have any job openings at the moment. Sorry.
Fax number for a nearby newspaper.
"What are your cell phone rules?"
Printer advice.
Books on PowerPoint.
Paper and pencil.
A child tells her mother "I hate turning six!"
Local port authority number.

Internet Signups: 28

In the Morning:

Math books.
Permission for the study room.
Stapler.
A donation in memory of ...
Interlibrary loan question.
Book recommendations. Later he gave up on summer reading and asked for books on playing golf.
Pencil. Then she actually wanted it sharpened.
Today's scheduled meeting room event is cancelled.
"We're computer illiterate ..." They just bought a used laptop. At least they knew they had Windows 98.
Ratings for 2003 and 2004 cars.
Instrumentation and Orchestration, by Alfred Blatter.
Criss-cross, and like many people who ask for one, he was rude about it.
'97 Dodge Grand Caravan price from NADA. I was accused of reading it wrong over the phone.

In the Afternoon:

The coldest winter ever, by Sister Souljah.
Pencil. He insisted strongly that he would return it.
Do we ILL DVDs? No.
Event signup.
Online catalogs? There's a couple over there, sir.
Weight training.
Car craft magazine (June).
I kick two kids off an internet terminal.
Some guy wants to be our PR person.
Morningstar back issues.
I kick the same kids out of the stacks for running.
"You have something called a criss-cross directory?" She, however, was not rude.
Two more kids in the stacks, but I discover that they aren't pulling books off the shelves at random. They had discovered the dinosaurs section.
"Do you have books of stories?"
"The childrens librarian on that plaque over there? Did she die?"
"Little Princess." She thought the author's name is Crawford. But when I pull up Marion Crawford's Little Princesses she shakes her head no and wanders away.
She came back asking for "the last two" Harry Potter books, then changed it to "The first and last."
Physics books.
Our hours tomorrow.

Internet Signups: 12

In the Morning:

Computer crash.
Extensive printer advice.
I print out a document for a sight-impaired patron.
Change for a dollar? Other desk.
She left her disc here yesterday.
Crime Partners, by Donald Goines.
Ladies room.
Internet crash.
You need an adult library card to use the computers, ma'am.
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
Yellow pages.
Printer advice.
He needs an obituary but the year he needs is not indexed.
Pep Boys phone number.
Internet crash.
WIndows' multiple screens confuse a patron.
Internet crash.
Word processor advice I am not qualified to give.
Tuesday's paper.
Book club signup.
Local historical photos. She then wanted to discuss them at length.
Directions to the kids section.
Pen.
Nine Anne Rice novels on tape.
Lake house, by James Patterson.

In the Afternoon:

It was a quiet shift, so I told Librarian X and Librarian Y all about last night's dream, where I was not only naked in public but flying at the time.
"Do you have books on CD?"
Book club signup.
Boys, stop hitting each other.
Today's paper didn't arrive again.
Books in Spanish.
Automatic transmission repair.
Cockatiels.
Anatomy.
Citizenship exam books.
Book club signup.
"Human behavior" was the closest she could narrow it down to, but she found some stuff.
Hunger of memory: the education of Richard Rodriguez, by Richard Rodriguez.
"Ingles basico?"

Internet Signups: 35