In the Afternoon:

I reboot the print server.
You'll need to show your card to Circ, sir.
I proctor an exam. She gets upset when I tell her we can't mail it until Monday.
(The above is all that happened in the first hour)
Breathless for the bachelor, by Cindy Gerard.
Stapler. He just takes it without asking.
Camping and wilderness survival, by Paul Tawrell
Dwight Eisenhower.
And that's all.

Type Your Barcode There: 2

In the Morning:

"I logged into a WP by mistake."
Computer friendly, by Raymond Steinbacher.
A staff member wanting an ILL butts into line.
"My computer froze."
State tax form.
"How do I get an email address?"
"How do I open this file?"
A sob story about how he needs his taxes done.
Her resume spills onto two pages because of spaces and she doesn't want to pay.
Address to Scholastic, Inc.
The spelling of an Italian word she cannot pronounce.
There is no state EZ form, sir.
Mayor's office phone.
Another state tax form.
Sorry ma'am, we have no more pens to give out.
Microfilm machine lecture.
You want another copy of the state form? The copier's right over there, ma'am (She pouts).
Fax.
Alderman? City council member? She doesn't know what she wants.
He wants 4868, the form for filing late.
State form.
State form. Just one. More whining.
For the last time, ma'am, they have no aldermen in that town, and state representatives don't deal with unwanted pets.
Where to send her tax forms.
4868.

In the Afternoon:

City directories '75, '85, '95.
The printer is offline.
I don't know what form you need, sir.
You need to get a library card to use the computers, sir.
Any local cell phone company whatsover.
Yes, ma'am, we still have a few state forms left.
"It won't print."
4868.
Bathroom?
You need a library card blah blah.
Librarian Y plans her herb garden.
Reboot.
State form.
You live in town? Get a damn library card!
Whiteout.
Emily Dickinson.
Local American Family Insurance offices.
Books on writing picture books, at least that's what I think she wants.
Copying costs .20, sir.
FIC is over there. PBK FIC is over there.
Astronomy magazines.
You're too young.
Black hawk down, by Mark Bowden.
We can't open that file on these computers, sir.
Hamlet, by William Shakespeare, for a brain-dead kid.
Copier advice. He's blowing up an image for a tattoo.
"Bullies ... gangs ..." When I show her the books she adds "Intolerance."
"Race ... you know, racist ... and gangs."
Cliff's notes for Nectar in a sieve, by Kamala Markandays.
"Do you have a list of people who survived the Holocaust?"
I think a lot of school assignments are due next week.
Reboot.
Fiction is over there, ma'am.

New Internet System, Sir or Ma'am: 12

In the Afternoon:

Reboot.
State tax forms.
She actually thinks we're interested in her tax problems.
Reboot.
People are still surprised when I tell them they can download forms on the net.
She tries to tell me how to do my taxes.
Copier advice.
That was last week's computer workshop, sir. Not this week's.
I honestly think our copy machine is smarter than many of the patrons who use it.
Printer advice.
You will get an option to extend your time, sir.
You will get an option to extend your time, sir, and quit copping an attitude.
Tax forms are over there, ma'am.
Movie review websites.
The state tax form website is not responding. He gives me a hurt look.
Saint John Fisher, by Vincent McNabb.
Books about Lewis Carroll.
Reboot.

In the Evening:

Yes, ma'am, you can register to vote now.
Phone to another library.
Don't run!
Coin books.
The secret life of bees, by Sue Monk Kidd.
They're doing the tax counseling downstairs, ma'am.
Sign language.
Books about Octavio Paz.
Don't call me "guy."
More attitude when a woman can't log into two machines at once.
How to print in color.
Yes, sir, that book's in the kids section.
I throw a couple of kids off the machines.
State tax form.
Reboot.
Schedules C, H.
Books on Hawaii with lots of pictures.
"H encyclopedias." It's the Hawaii kid again.
I think kids have figured out how to get around our new timing software.
I leave to conduct a workshop. I come back.
We hand out 1,000,000 state tax forms.
Don't run!
Notarization.
More state forms.
White-out.
Library cards at the circulation desk, sir.
Still more state forms.
Librarian G gets: "I need newspapers about the 21st century."
Copier advice.
Those are the only study rooms we have, sir.
They say it's a free credit report, sir, but they're lying.
Hemingway books.
Another state tax form.
Where are the Word resume templates?
Form 4835.
A bunch more forms we don't have.
1099 forms. Argh.
Not that computer, sir ... This one.
"Books on Roman lettering, Greek lettering, you know, alphabetic?"
Rainforests.
Reboot.
Reboot.
Copier advice.
The printer ate his money.
Microfilm reader advice.
Camus, existentialism, and The stranger. They're all checked out. "Must be the french class."
Dan Brown books
Lit crit on Crime and Punishment and The sound and the fury.
Works by Charlotte Perkins Gilman.
John Milton.
Tape.
What a pain in the ass shift.

"Library Card Required to Use the Internet:" 14

In the Morning:

Fax.
Copier advice.
Lies women believe, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, and A short guide to a happy life, by Anna Quindlen.
Multiple printer advice.
Special internet signup.
Someone's phone number.
Virginia Beach jobs.
A giggling senior citizen finds a "risque image" (manga drawing of a girl) on her computer.
Criss-cross.
Printer advice.
They'll look up your barcode at the circ desk, sir.
I leave the desk for a pointless meeting. I return.
Restroom?
Phone number lookup.
"Can I leave two kids in the children's section while I do a cover letter?"
You need a library card to use the computers, sir.
Blood and oil, by Manucher Farmanfarmaian, Daughter of Persia, by Sattareh Farman Farmaian, and Desert Queen, by Janet Wallach.
"I need the estimated forms."

Type Your Barcode There, Sir: 6

In the Morning:

Reboot.
"Is Librarian Q there?"
The Da Vinci code, by Dan Brown, and Give me a break, by John Stossel.
"Hamlet, Macbeth, and just plain Shakespeare."
State Tax form.
1956 obit.
Missing floppy found.
You can renew your card at circ, ma'am.
You can get a card at circ, ma'am.
They're irate because I don't know what tax form they need.
I reset an online catalog.
Lit crit for Lord of the flies and The catcher in the rye.
Click there, sir.
Reviews of Pet Sematary.
You need a library card to use the computers, sir.
Contact info for Kappa Publishing.
Is city hall open today?

Times I Explain the New Internet Signup Procedure: 8

In the Morning:

Stapler.
The printer eats some money.
Stapler.
You need a library card to use the computers, sir.
Yesterday's paper.
I proctor an exam.
Computer workshop info.
Printer advice.
1996 NEC code. He must take it home with him. He must.
Here's how you log off the computer, sir.
Microfilm lecture.
Library cards at circ, sir.
You need a library card to use the computers, sir.
Morningstar.
The weather for September 28, 2003.
Stalker, by Faye Kellerman.
Reboot.
It's not your fault that the Salvation Army email address is wrong, sir.
Three reboots.
No library card, no computer, ma'am.
Voter registration.
Tax forms 2688 and 4868.
Ancient Egypt articles online.
Fax.
If it keeps crashing your browser, ma'am, I wouldn't visit that site.
Reboot. A whole bunch of them, in fact.
A whole bunch of people butting into line.

In the Afternoon:

Reboot.
Rats, by Robert Sullivan, Lone star nation, by H. W. Brands, Night of the radishes, by Sandra Benitez, and The pecking order, by Dalton Conley.
You can't log back on because you've used up your time, sir.
Library cards at the front desk, sir.
Lesko books.
A book which doesn't exist.
Computer workshop schedule.
They'll stamp that at the front desk, sir.
Library cards at the front desk, ma'am.
They'll look up your barcode at the front desk, ma'am.
Weekend paper.
Why don't you put those books on that cart over there, rather than dumping them on my counter?
Reboot.
You didn't have to sign in two months ago because we didn't use this system two months ago.
9/11 books.
The value of her EE bonds.
Printer advice.
Pencil.
Pencil.
She takes the screaming baby into the stacks but we can all still hear it.
Circ will sell you a floppy, ma'am.
Tax counselling information.
Today's papers.
Printer advice.
Reboot.
I don't know how your insurance company's webpage is arranged, ma'am. I've never been there.
I should forgive, but, by Chuck Lynch.

Use Your Library Card to Sign In: 22