In the Evening:

"Do I have to make a reservation for the computer?"
Adoption for dummies.
The reservation station is over there. No, over there ... No, there, where that other guy is.
All right, we'll let you on the computer, but next time bring your card.
I can't cancel your reservation. It timed out.
The printer card slot is right by the print server, ma'am.
We prepare to kick some kids off a machine. Whoops, they're just leaving.
Printer card advice.
They'll renew your card over there, sir.
They'll make change there, too.
I don't understand the next guy's problem. His computer is working fine.
A cell phone is chirping, but we can't spot it.
Our security guy reminds us that tomorow is payday.
Spanish-English dictionary.
All of a sudden we go 15 minutes between patrons. What's going on?
The reservation machine is over there, sir.
You can renew cards over there, sir.
Two more guys with the same question.
"Remember, next week is superhero practice," says a child. "We gotta sign up for the lasers."
There's scrap paper in that tray, kid.
Tarot reading.
Librarian K goes on break. It immediately gets busy.
A Scientific American article, and a source for grants for Chinese-American retired nurses.
Christmas decorating.
Settle down, kids.
As for the adults, they should know better.
Sorry, kid, you can't use our phone.
"You're closing tomorrow, right?" We'll be open, but there's no Internet access. "But you're closing Thursday, right?" Um, no ...
Our copier is down, sir, but there's one down in the kids section.
A lady has a wolf whistle as her ringtone.
Sorry, kid, you can't use our phone (same kid).
The man has come back to tell us about other weird grants being offered. Twice.
And he's returned one more time, to tell us there's a puddle under the urinals.
Sorry, ma'am, no computer classes right now. But we do have books on the subject.

In the Afternoon:

Copier advice she didn't need.
Sorry, ma'am. No scanner.
Almost all the machines have cd drives, ma'am.
Some city directories, then some more, which leads to my copier lecture.
There's money already in the copier, but a lady claims it before I can pocket it.
A Ray Bradbury horror VHS.
"My computer's trying to install something."
ILL pickup.
Pen.
Another pen.
Project management books on cassette.
Good Will Hunting.
"I got no skills. You can't even work at a MacDonalds unless you speak Spanish."
Naruto v.8.
Computer login probems.
BOCA manual.
Sorry, ma'am. Wrong department.
Pocketful of miracles and Masters of menace.
A ten-page fax.
A one-page fax.
Copies are twenty cents, sir.
Now we're waiting for the Friday rush-hour dvd request flood.
The chronicles of Narnia, in a single box set.
A woman complains about how we let certain people in the library. When she leaves in a huff the library is much quieter.
Tom and Jerry cartoons.
Saving Private Ryan and The matrix on VHS.
(Twenty minutes later) Stapler.
You check out over there, sir.
Stick it.
We're about to close, ma'am. The internet terminals shut down at ten 'till.

Sorry, I've been on vacation.

In the Afternoon for an Hour

Too many fines. No Internet for you!
But I override the next patron's login problem.
Is our literacy program only for local residents?
Another account that won't work.
Today's paper.
The fast and the furious: Tokyo drift.
A fax.
I mutter "shut up" under my breath at two people I hope are leaving soon.
Color copies are a dollar, sir.
He has a long list of people, but the addresses are all from 1998.
I like slow shifts.

In the Afternoon:

"One's a paperback, the other's about the Holocaust."
You get a library card over there, sir.
They'll look up your card number over there, sir.
Whether we should mail or fax a test we proctored.
Internet signup with a guest pass.
They'll tell you what's wrong with your account over there, ma'am.
Where can she buy Microsoft Word?
Internet guest pass.
You can get a card over there, sir.
You use your library card to sign up for the Internet, sir.
Just type your last name, ma'am.
King James bible tapes.
His keyboard won't work.
His webpage won't load.
Know thyself, by Na'im Akbar.
The copier is twenty cents, ma'am.
From his terminal he shouts at me to come over.
All the good user IDs are taken, ma'am.
We try to figure out how to display an online bill.
A 2005 volume of Scott's.
He wants to request fifteen ILLs over the phone.
The bathroom's over there, sir.
Music and lyrics to This land is your land.
A request for recorded Christmas music becomes a request for Thank you very much.
Printer advice.

In the Evening:

I come to the desk and immediately two patrons start running.
Vols 2 and 3 of Gunslinger girl.
No charge for music any more, sir (The man pumps his fists and heads for the CDs).
Who played the Huey Long character in All the king's men?
A circ clerk wants to know where her Interlibrary Loan is.
Terrific thunder outside.
How to put money on your debit card.
The latest Guinness world records.
Her file won't open.
Pregnancy books in Spanish.
I'm afraid those streets don't meet, sir. They run parallel.
The marine meets his match, by Cathie Linz.
Vertical limit.
The doors here have all gone squeaky at once.
Why can't he log in to a public terminal?
Sorry ma'am, we don't have an index to the local paper.
Music producing.
They'll renew your card over there, sir.
How to print.
A complaint about all the kids.
How to reserve a computer.
Beat it, kids.
The kid section is downstairs, sir.
How to print.
How to print.
Bathroom's over there, kid.
Scram, kids.
Printer advice.
More damn kids.
"Is so-and-so here?"
Don't run!
Printer advice.
What's on the Mexican flag, in Spanish.
"Fiction about love."
I burned out an hour ago, and there's fifteen minutes left ...

In the Afternoon
The art of war, by Sun Tzu, The prince, by Machiavelli, and Behold a pale horse, by William Cooper.
The diary of Anne Frank (Oh, this is ridiculous. Do I really need to put links on books like this and "The prince?" I don't think so! Everyone is aware of those books!).
Landlord/tenant forms.
They'll renew your card over there, kid.
A newspaper is returned.
Don't run!
The Illinois circuit breaker form.
Event signup.
Toys.
Today's paper.
How to reserve one of our computers.
They'll look up your number over there.
I instruct a number of patrons on making a computer reservation, printing, using a thumb drive, etc.
Another reservation screwup.
And more reservation instruction.
Did I mention today's the first day of school?
"She needs your help over there."
"We've been in two hundred libraries around the country, and this computer signup system is the most complicated I've ever seen!" I suspect he may be right.
Books on improving memory.
Someone will take your picture in a moment, ma'am.
It finally quiets down.
Librarian Y discuss the merits of outsourcing library administration.
An loud argument in circ over library fines ends up well.
Printer advice.
I hope the rest of the semester isn't like this ...