In the Morning:

Back from vacation, sigh.
I give my computer signup lecture.
Resume templates.
Printer advice.
Kids are camping out at the express Internet workstations.
Don't worry, ma'am. The card will pop out again if you put it in the wrong way.
More resume advice.
More printer advice.
She can't log in. Probably a fine on her card.
Local employment office. Finally! Forty minutes in, I get a non-computer related question.
How to pull up your own library record.
Where are the CDs he placed on hold earlier that morning.
Monster.com crashes a machine ... and he's mad because he doesn't get his time back.
Your card might have expired, ma'am.
Mapquest directions.
The glass pops off of the microfilm reader.
Guest pass for the Internet.
Fax.
Those machines don't print, sir.
Computer class signup.
Yes, sir, any machine that's open. Yes, that one's fine, sir.

In the Afternoon

Pen.
The choice, by Nicholas Sparks.
Yet another question about our computer workshops, which were all booked a week ago ...
Keep it down, guys.
I give my "How to load the microfilm reader" lecture.
Aztec language.
Today's paper.
Do we have what?? A dot-matrix printer??
The debit card you bought only has sixy cents to start with, ma'am.
Norbit.
Question after question about Michael Bloomberg for an old man.
List of local food pantries.
What version of Word do we use?
More computer class signups.
SHUT UP! (Several times)
Night, by Elie Wiesel.
A whole bunch of people come up to me for things the circ desk does.

In the Evening:

Don't run!
Bathrooms are over there (different patron).
Printer advice.
Walk! (She was skipping)
The kids section is downstairs, ma'am.
Yes, sir, we're the only public library in town.
I don't speak Spanish, but Librarian C here does.
Don't run!
There are more kids around every damn day.
The kids section is downstairs, sir.
It costs two dollars to replace a lost card, ma'am, or is it three?
The names of local Spanish language newspapers.
Don't run! Hello? Excuse me! Don't run!
Books on getting published.
A patron (adult) gets irate when I tell him he's too loud.
A patron insists the we log him into a terminal, when he can do it himself, making ME irate.
Don't run!
CDs by Sonora Dinamita.
Ancestry Plus? You have to come in to use it, ma'am.
Who moved my cheese? on CD.
I've given up on telling kids who are assigned to read a book (In this case To kill a mockingbird) that they shouldn't see the movie instead.
Car-lene Research.
(Sigh) The Crucible on DVD.
Don't run!
You have to wait in that long line to get a library card, ma'am.
"You have magazines about medical careers?" Turns out books would work too. I don't think she knows the difference.
"Are there computers open?"
They'll break a twenty over there, ma'am.
Librarian C is over there, ma'am.
H. R. Giger books.
Don't run!
I gesture for the guy to turn his cell phone off. He turns his back and crouches, as if that lessens the sound.
Quiet, guys.
I tell them to shut up again. At least it's fifteen minutes before closing ...

"Do you have 'The Mango of the House?'"

You mean The House on Mango Street?

"Er, yes."

Happy Monday

Harold Robbins and Sidney Sheldon on CD.
Ontario's a province, sir, not a city.
Where can you receive a fax? Good question ...
I put a guest patron on a computer.
Today's paper.
No, we didn't get the weekend paper, either.
Another guest on the computer. I tell her to save her work often, but I know she won't.
Printer advice for two patrons which involves a lot of blank stares.
Islam.
Yes, sir, that card from a nearby library will work here.
Not Islam. ... The Nation of Islam.
Actually, he wants Elijah Muhammad.
Copy machine's right over there, ma'am.
Tilman Riemenschneider.
You need to wait in line there for a library card (x2).
Shut that baby up, lady.
Guest on the computer.
Computer class signup.
1998 Grand Marquis repair manual, and one for a 2002 Malibu.
Yesterday's paper.
Negotiate This! by Herb Cohen.
Notarization.

Which Patron Would You Rather Help?

Mother: I need books on psychology.
Son: Cartoons!
Me: Can you narrow it down a little?
Mother: ... Beginning ...
Son: I want cartoons!
Mother: ... Adults, children, you know ...
Son: Cartoons! Where are the cartoons?!