In the Evening:

She's never used a computer before. She doesn't know how to use a mouse, type, or "spell," as she puts it. So I go and print her credit report for her. "What am I supposed to do with this?"
He's astonished I've heard of Ben Hecht.
Where is area code 817?
Videos on the Justice Department.
WOW Gospel 2006.
Pen.
1991 Honda Civic repair manual.
Does she need to be here for tonight's book club drawing?
Sitting by the circ dept I hear way too much about a woman's pregnancy.
How to get a library card.
A toddler starts wailing. I smile and say "Shh, quiet." He shuts up! I love this kid!
Now it's a wailing infant.
Sorry, lady, we haven't seen your keys.
It's apparently "Screaming Child Night" here at the library. I can't say I like this promotion.
All the Zane books are missing again.
ILL pickup.
The big group of girls with screaming babies have finally left. Ah, the silence!
Sorry, lady, we haven't see your phone.
A guy is looking at porn, but we just can't quite catch him.
"The coldest winter ever," by Sister Souljah.
Don't run!

On a Lovely Friday Afternoon:


Request for Jordan Sparks and Phil Stacey CDs, from a coworker.
What on earth was the title for the second Star wars film?
Pencil.
"Once a king, always a king," by Reymundo Sanchez.
She's entering high school. Can't she get an adult card? Sure, and so can her mother.
Oops, I'm not supposed to be here right now ...

(One hour later)

Notarization.
"Authors like Zane."
We don't own a copy of Perelandra. I'm a little embarrassed. We have the other two ...
Six Sigma, then statistics.
Choke, by Chuck Palahniuk.
I explain that we're closing in fifteen minutes and that's why he can't log in, three times. Each time he just stares at me, mouth open.
Nope, you can't use my phone, kid.

Mocked

I was reminded of this at a meeting today. A couple months ago I decided to give Stephanie Meyer's Twilight a try, since so many people were reading it. I was on desk glancing at the first chapter when I hear:

"BWA-HA-HA-HA! You're reading 'Twilight!' That's a sissy book. You must be a big girlie!"

I looked up and saw a girl with glasses, probably in middle school, whom I had never seen before. She was pointing at the book.

"I thought I'd give it a try," I said.

"Ha-ha-ha! You're a girlie!"

I wound up getting about a third of the way through it before deciding it I wasn't its target audience. A week after that the girl spots me again.

"You're the one reading that sissy book."

"For your information, I gave up. It was too girly."

"What's that you're holding?"

"Er ..." It was volume 6 of Love*Com.

"BWA-HA-HA-HA! You always read sissy girlie stuff!"

And so on ... I wish I knew who this this girl is.

What's embarrassing is that I actually *like* "Love*Com."

Since Twitter has been Absolutely Useless Lately:

In the Evening:

Four straight faxes.
The fountainhead on CD.
Copier advice.
Word has resume templates, sir.
"Can you tell me if Venus has a ring around it?"
I think the weird hippy guy is hitting on Librarian K.
Competing in analytics, by Davenport and Harris.
Sorry, we don't loan out Windows operating systems, sir.
Could you turn your IPod down, please? Thanks.
A whole bunch of Rochelle Alers books.
The girl telling the kid to shut us is louder than the kid.
Printer advice.
Phlebotomy exam guidebooks.
Books on cults leads to books by Cathy Burns which leads to books on Freemasonry.
I kick a kid off an internet machine.
Today's paper.
A kid turns a table of computers off and I deal with the consequences.
The autobiography of Malcolm X.
More computer reservation mixups. I hate this system.
Today's paper.
Travel books.
Statistical Abstract of the United States
He's going from employee to employee to try to get a library card, when the rules say he can't have one ...
... He finally gets a card, but we can't find any of the books he wants ...
Copier advice.
She drops her travel books and can't pick them up.
Printer advice.
We try to figure out if Herbert's Dune trilogy was originally intended to be a trilogy.
More computer reservation screwups.
And the print queue is strangely empty, annoying a patron.
ESL tapes.
Fax.
A patron has lost his keys.

In the Evening:

Twitter seems to be down.
"You got any history movies? ... You know, civil rights movement or slavery?"
Don't run!
I don't know why they transferred you here, sir. We don't renew items.
OCD
Yep, we have WIFI.
The so-called "stimulus" forms.
DVD loan policy.
I swear that patron looks just like Popeye's dad Pappy.
Encyclopedias are over there, kid.
A whole bunch of ILLs by Brenda Jackson.
Stuck paper in the printer.
It wants your email address, ma'am. "I don't have one."
Lots and lots of printer advice.
Don't run, dammit!
The catcher in the rye, by J. D. Salinger.
Transfer pricing.
A patron wants How to win friends and influence people but hangs up before Librarian P can get his name.
The hollow, by Nora Roberts.
Printer advice.
Men's tailoring.
Other stuff.

I come back from a vacation, refreshed, ready to tackle the new extraordinary challenges that have cropped up while I was gone.

And I find everything exactly the same. The same patrons, the same questions, coworkers and gripes. I am disappointed. I wanted a fresh start. I wanted something new. I wanted to find the kids section crawling with alligators. I wanted to learn that Bin Laden had been hiding in one of our study rooms. I wanted alien priestesses. The only difference around here is that they changed the parking garage rules again.