In the Morning:

"Can you sharpen this?"
"Where's the Bathroom?"
Sorry, Sir. The computers can't handle that kind of disc.
Click the green button. Yeah, that one there.
"Come into my Trading Room," by Alexander Elder. I sent off an ILL request. Hope I spelled the patron's name right.
"Can I borrow your pen?"
An Internet terminal crashes.
Printing Advice.
They can make change at the circ desk.
"Where is (another librarian)?"
"Grant books are over here, right?"
Someone donated a big bag of old videos.
Long conversation about our debit card system.
Consumer Reports for lawn mowers.
Another donation--this one is cash!
"How to Cure Yourself of Positive Thinking," by Donald G. Smith.
"I need that form again." (We have several form books with hundreds of forms).
Coin prices

In the Afternoon:

Books about Walt Whitman.
"I got to learn how to use the computers one of these days. You know, I'm still used to the old fashioned card catalog etc etc." He wanted books on woodworking.
Stapler? Right here, Ma'am.
A book with all the broadcasters in it.
"Spanish for Gringos."
"I lost my library card."
Printer advice.
Newspaper.
Pencil.
An experiment with two-sided copying turns out badly.
Newspaper.
"Can I use this pencil?"
Train schedules.
Printer instruction.
Books on Leadership.
"Do books with long call numbers go in a special place?"
"Barefoot Contessa Cookbook."
More leadership books.
Sir, the library is closing. We need you to take the books to the circ desk to check them out. ... Sir, we're closed. ... Sir? ...Sir?"

Internet signups: 61
Bad button help: 1

In the Morning:

A woman called to say that her husband died. He had been a longtime user of the library and wanted to contribute $500 for us to put up a brass plaque.
"Internet, please. I'm going to need help."
"It keeps asking for my e-mail address." He had several other internet issues as the morning went by.
"Do you have a laminating machine?" Nope.
"Ultimate Spider-Man v.1," which according to the catalog, was both available and not available.
A patron confused the online catalog with an internet terminal.
Another patron wanted ASVAB books, later, EMT books.
"Foundation Directory (We own it.)"
"Catalog of Federal Domestic Assistance (We don't)."
Still more e-mail questions.
Yesterday's paper.
Information on today's computer workshops.
An audiorecording of "Long Day's Journey Into Night." Her teacher insists that they follow the "book" while listening to it. She was unaware that it was a play. Still, she didn't want a video.
Confusion over the computer workshops.
More e-mail problems.
Rebooted the print server.
No, we don't have a fax machine, but there's one next door, Sir.
Print server goes down again.

In the Afternoon:

CISSP exam books.
Help with the copier.
"The S Book by Ravanel." She wanted "The Sex Book" by Pavanel. Then she wanted more sex books for her teenage kids.
Today's paper.
Today's paper.
"A Midsummer's Night Dream."
"Diary of Anne Frank," but the patron just needed a quick course in our online catalog.
"Affirmative Action." I hate questions like this, but she was happy with what I found.
How to recharge your debit card.
Rachel Ray's "30 Minute Meals."
Hummers. When I showed him the section he turned to me and said "Low Riders."
Another debit card demo.
A patron wanted VCDs.
"Whirligig" by Paul Fleischman.
I stopped a small child from running his toy truck over an internet terminal keyboard.
"You have 'Dantes Inferno?'" "We should have 'The Inferno,' yes." "No, it is called 'Dantes Inferno'"
"You have a pen I can borrow?"
Questions about the printer.
"You got a pencil?"
Books on Photoshop 7.0.
Baby name books.

Internet Signups: 20
Problems with the button on the copy machine: 4

In the afternoon:

Checked to see if an internet terminal was set up.
Directions to a place in a nearby city.
"High school books in Spanish."
"Where is 'B FRA?'" (In the biographies. I forget the subject's name).
"You have a garbage can?" (Yes we do).
A request for today's local paper.
Steam locomotive engine diagrams. He insisted that a physics book would have it.
A child's ailment called "Gerb."
A man showed me a business card. "You know where this is?" We found out.
"Can you send this via e-mail for me?" He couldn't quite grasp the concept of having an account.
A request for "Valueline", which we keep behind the desk.
Timelines for WW I and II. Timelines would be a recurring request.
The sunday paper.
Two books by Rita Garcia-Williams. If I was a young adult I wouldn't be able to figure out our YA section either.
Baby name books.

In the Evening:

Inventions between 1910 and 1919. Yup, it's that time of the year again, when middle schoolers are assigned a decade to write about.
"Where are your history books?" She actually wanted timelines.
Books about the 1940s. More timelines.
Books about the Titanic.
"Twins" magazine. I have never heard of it.
"Entrepreneurs, like Puff Daddy."
Her friend wanted books on Michael Jordan, but changed her mind and asked for books on the Holocaust.
Today's paper.
Botany books.
Today's paper.
An eight year-old told us that the library had a leak.
"Tuck Everlasting."
"Can I use your phone?" No. Ask the circ desk.
Salvador Dali.
A Mark Twain impersonator came in looking for a childhood friend.
Advice on using the printer.
Books on Caligula. We only had one in the biographies. I suggested he also look at Roman history books. He didn't know why.
Books on Australia. That assignment was due a couple days ago, I think. Tsk.

Internet Signups: 23
Times I had to deal with the copy machine's bad button: 4

Good enough for late night

hello again

test hello did i tell you how much i love you?

but the giant engines of the internet laugh.