In the Morning:

Librarian X says that today we will get "intelligent, polite, good-looking patrons."
4 notarizations.
Restroom?
Change?
Who provides GED study classes?
Year of wonders, by Geraldine Brooks.
What does "AME" stand for?
Communication problems with one patron. Everything he or I or Librarian X says seems to miss the mark. A lot of confused staring.
2003 Chase's annual events.
Phone for Burlington Coat Factory.
Dictionary?
Valueline.
"I need books on the five senses," but then she starts to talk about policemen.
Another patron who tries to write a resume but has never used a word processor before, and blames it on us.
The stairway's by the front door, sir.
Our summer book club is over, ma'am.
Yes, we have old newspapers on microfilm.

In the Afternoon:

How far back to our Readers digests go?
Today's paper.
Haley's cleaning hints, by Graham and Rosemary Kelly.
A passing patron tells me I should have bought lemon kool-aid.
Today's paper.
Bodybuilding.
Yes, sir, we have a microfiche reader.
Fit for life, by Harvey Diamond.
Today's paper.
You zoom in with this knob, sir.
Voter registration.
Sorry, we don't have a color copier, ma'am.
Today's paper.
You can get change at the front desk, ma'am.
Don't run!
Some books on Japanese candlestick stock trading, or something like that.
Daddy cool, by Donald Goines.
"How do I read this book?"
A patron brings in a cute baby and Librarian X loses her mind.
Don't run!
Postal exam books.

Internet Signups: 15

In the Morning:

Some weather small talk.
Asbestos information, but she wants the other side of the argument.
2 Notarizations.
The secret life of bees, by Sue Monk Kidd.
Computer crash.
Bathroom?
Kids section?
Automotive books?
His debit card dies on him.
Local Hertz number.
Books on religion, psychology, and an author named Zeist.
The print station is having a bad morning.
Another computer crash.
Copier advice (zoom function).
Ann Rice books are over there, sir.
"A guy looked up my address online. How did he do that?"
Today's paper.
True crime books.
1983 Toyota Corolla repair manual.
The remnant, by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins (on tape).

In the Afternoon:

Word processor?
Librarian Y is obsessed with food these days.
Printer advice.
Tax form instructions.
Yes, sir, cassettes are listed in the catalog.
SBC toll-free number.
An abortion clinic in Houston.
The coldest winter ever, by Sister Souljah.
Copier.
Librarian Y gets a patron who wants to mail order venison with food stamps.
Reports on the blackout start coming in, keeping us occupied on a slow afternoon.

Internet Signups: 33

In the Afternoon:

Always true to you in my fashion, by Valerie Wilson Wesley.
Tours of the Great Lakes.
Printer advice.
The summer reading club is over, ma'am.
Info on an artist named Dahle Brug.
"You got any books on the cultivation of marijuana, the criminalization?"
"Do you have the American Psychological Association Publication? I want to find out what everybody's so mad about."
"Why haven't I received the obit I asked for?"
A woman calls to make sure that I'll be there when she comes in, so I can show her how to do email, which I'm not in a position to do.
Computer workshop info.
1986 BMW 325 repair manual.
Pencil with eraser.
Texas birth certificate.
DVDs? Videos?
Someone please shut that baby up.
Don't run!
Librarian Y asks why people go to war.

In the Evening:

The desk receives a gift of cucumbers.
A patron can't log into AOL.
"Creole, where they came from."
Don't run!
Printer advice.
Fiction is down there, sir.
The dragonlance chronicles, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman.
Brave new world, by Aldous Huxley.
Scissors.
No, ma'am, I can't go around the library looking for your daughter.
Last Wednesday's paper.
Drinking fountain.
August 8 Washington post.
Census microfilm ILL.
Low rider magazine.
A patron checked out Romeo and Juliet and wants to know if it's supposed to be in a script format.

Internet Signups: 23

In the Afternoon:

Copier advice.
Phone book.
Valueline.
Lease forms. "Something between landlord and goofball. I'm the goofball."
Librarian Y tries to look up A young man's guide to sex, by Jay cale, when her computer crashes.
That street runs along the back of this building, ma'am.
Stapler.
Pen. I steal Librarian Y's.
Nearby law library question.
Librarian Y's pen is returned.
Online catalog is right over here, ma'am.
Can I help you? "No."
Voter registration.
A patron with a library card somewhere else calls us instead.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, by J. K. Rowling, on CD.
Scratch paper.
A patron has left her disc here and begs Librarian Y to email the contents to her, and won't shut up.
"Does your library use AOL?"
The patron calls back and begs me to email the contents to her.
And again.
Holds are at the front desk, ma'am.

Internet Signups: 8

In the Afternoon:

Lude, crude, and rude: the story of Motly Crue, by Silvie Simmons.
1040-EZ forms.
I think he wants fantasy novels but he can barely speak English and he's shy.
Kleenex?
How to place a hold.
Old yearbooks.
"Should I paperclip or staple my resume?" I suggest paper clips and he asks for five.
A basic tour of Windows '98.
Don't run!
Word advice, resume advice and printer advice.
He asks where the oversized books section is and I show him the large print books. Whoops.
He's got my name from my tag and he's not going to let it go.
Late he shows me an obit. "I know that guy. He's dead."
Voter registration.
Hooked on phonics.
Confessions of a shopaholic, by Sophie Kinsella, and Confession of a Hollywood columnist, by Sheilah Graham.
The color purple, by Alice Walker.
1996 building code.
Don't run!
Printer advice.
Double-click, ma'am and don't move the mouse when you do.
Librarian Z has to explain the concept of "save as" several times.
Psalms on tape.
A recent Apellate decision (I find it moments after the patron had given up and left).
Obit request from Canada.
Criss-cross.
Printer Advice.
The black prince, by Iris Murdoch.

In the Evening:

Herbs for clearing the skin, by Sarah Beckett, Understanding the afrocentric world view, by Linda James Meyers, and The truth about AIDS, by Ann Giudici Fettner & William A. Check.
Dolly, the biography, by Alanna Nash.
"Any books on wrestling not the Mick Foley books?"
Scotch tape, which led to a rant about the government.
Is our color printer working?
A man donates a quarter for all the staples and tape he's used.
A couple of confusing notarizations. Some forms I don't know if I need to stamp or not ...
A business in Mesquite, Texas.
A "Chicken soup" book, but the patron doesn't know what kind of soul she has.
Astrology books.
Social statistics, or psychology statistics. She couldn't come up with better words and went off to find her syllabus.
Two more notarizations, and I'm told about her vacation worries.
Coming of age in Mississippi, by Anne Moody, Forged by fire, by Sharon Draper, and Jubilee, by Margaret Walker.
Lord of the flies, by William Goldman, and Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley.

In the Afternoon:

Open on a Summer Sunday. Who's idea was this?
Today's paper.
Chevrolet P-30 repair manual.
Fax machine?
3-hole puncher?
Pen?
ILL pickups at the front desk, ma'am.
"I need books on chess ... books on chess!" he nearly shouts.
"Methodrone maintenance."
"A book called It ... is that the one with all the sexual abuse?" (Librarian R got this one)
Printer advice.
The meeting room needs to be unlocked.
Damn, if MY husband talked to me like that I'd leave him.
Auto body painting.
City directories.
Pencil?
Internet access question.
A little inside (on DVD).
Books are held at the front desk, sir.
City directories.
What are those kids doing under that table where all the internet cables are?
Why is this man so surprised that we have today's paper?
Why am I here on a Sunday? Oh, to give printer advice.
More city directories.
Click on the Microsoft Word icon, ma'am.
Try turning off the caps lock, ma'am.
Don't run!
Techie X walks over. We look out the window at the sunshine and curse our rotten luck.
Don't run, oh, the hell with it.
Copier help (Push the big green button, sir).
Fiction is over there, ma'am.
Today's paper.
I fix the copier.
Cane River, by Lalita Tademy.
Books on African-American reparations.
Techie X announces he is King of the Internet. It's time to go.

Internet Signups: 8