Many thanks to Brian Smith, Steven M. Cohen, and Jessamyn West for their kind words this week.

In the Morning:

A toll-free number for Bazooka Bubble Gum.
Criss-cross.
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
"Mathematics, and books on language." She's taking an equivalency test.
"How many books can you check out?"
Computer workshop schedule.
Up-to-date information on pacemakers.
A patron takes an uncomfortable interest in my wrist brace.
Pencil.
Printer advice.
Computer crash.
Books on the heritage of Mexico.
Current city directory.
A search for a missing floppy.
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
Our printing network, you know, the one I'm constantly giving advice about because it's so non-intuitive, is praised by a patron.
2 criss-crosses.
1990 Honda CRX repair manual.
Mark Sheer seminar tapes.
Word processors are over there, sir.

In the Afternoon:

Autumn of the gun, by Ralph Compton.
She wants the soundtrack to Fame. She wasn't aware that it was a movie, or maybe, she thinks, she wants the TV series on DVD, no, she'll settle on the Broadway cast album.
Twelve ordinary men, by John MacArthur.
A nearby community's paper. Not that one, another one. Sigh.
Certainly, you can check out that book, ma'am.
"Does any store around here sell pencils?"
State tax forms from '98, '00, '01.
Missing floppy is found.
"Could you call the author and ask them if there are any more copies available?"
Dictionary.
A child called It, by David Pelzer, and Suzanne's diary for Nicholas, by James Patterson.
Last Saturday's paper.
The art of dreams, by Carlos Castaneda.
A back issue of Electronic gaming monthly.
Printer advice.
English/chinese dictionary.

Internet Signups: 39

In the Morning:

You can recharge your debit card over there, sir.
Neither Librarian X or Y are wearing their little flag pins. Terrorists.
Allister 710 garage door opener repair.
A disc caught in the A: drive. Techie Y saves the day.
Printer advice.
Computer crash.
Another patron wants to know which ISP to join.
Sorry, ma'am, we don't have PowerPoint for XP on our machines.
Free help from Uncle Sam, by William M. Alarid.
"I'm used to the old card catalogs." Why do people keep saying that? We haven't had a card catalog around here for fifteen years.
A patron takes one look at me and turns to Librarian Y for help ...
ASVAB book.
Thanks, sir, but you don't need to sign out.

In the Afternoon:

Bathroom.
Vibe History of Hip-Hop.
Auto repair manuals in spanish.
Printer advice.
A Plato dialogue, but his syllabus doesn't say which one.
Microfilm reader advice.
You can change your address at the front desk, ma'am.
"I need information on Abraham Lincoln and Andrew Jackson."
Computer crash.
Today's paper.
Books by Eric Jerome Dickey.
Don't run!
Phone to a nearby church which doesn't exist.
Pen.
Her daughter loaded a program on her home computer that won't allow a user to boot up without a password. Guess what they've forgotten ...

Internet Signups: 24

In the Morning:

Invasion of privacy, by Perri O'Shaughnessy.
Journals of Slyvia Plath.
Atlas of the North American Indian, by Carl Waldman.
Sorry, no obit requests over the phone, sir.
Still no dictionaries to check out.
Harry Potter and the order of the phoenix, by J. K. Rowling, on CD.
Reservation blues, by Sherman Alexie, and The bluest eye, by Toni Morrison.
Old city directories.
Apparently he didn't want to wait over the phone.
She wants to email her boyfriend nude pics of herself. I show her how to attach files.
Try an online catalog, ma'am.
Pencil.
Constitution guide, in Spanish.
How to be your dog's best friend, by the Monks of New Skete.
Computer crash.
Printer advice.
Counselling (vocational guidance).
More email attachment questions.
Stapler.
"I need world history. I couldn't find it on the computers."
Printer advice.
Friday's paper.
Try the kid's section, kid.
More email attachment questions.
No, you can't check out that GED book, ma'am.
Chupacaba, or the goat sucker.
2 nearby library phone numbers.
"Do you proctor exams?"
Constitution guide, in english this time.
Bathroom.

Internet Signups: 68

In the Morning:

Old newspapers on microfilm.
Someone please shut those kids up ...
Try the printer over there, sir.
More microfilm issues.
A police detective wants to look at our Internet signup logs.
"How do I get free Internet at home?" This leads to a long discussion about ISPs, speeds, and online games.
At this rate I many have to go over and load every single microfilm reel he wants ...
The microfiche reader is being used, sir.
Printer advice.
Don't hang from the counter, kid.
"History of Europe, 1715 up to now?"
Printer advice.
I suggest to a woman that she save her word processor document. She just
stares blankly at me.
Maintenance man, by Michael Baisden.
Pen.
Bathroom.
Books on the history of Protestantism.
Barrons.
Don't run!
"Your library's internet service: is it a dial-up?"
"Do I insert the card like this?" Just try it, lady.
More printer advice.
Algebra books.
Israel in Egypt, and Judas Maccabaeus, by Georg Friedrich Handel.
My computer crashes.
Lottery master guide, by Gail Howard.

In the Afternoon:

Real estate contract forms.
All the online catalogs are the same, ma'am.
Steven Covey books, but I think it's too late for this lady.
"About a year ago I checked out a book about hip-hop ..."
Printer advice, but he gets bored and wanders off. He comes back.
Duties of local aldermen.
Teacher certification study guides.
Religious attitudes toward cremation, especially the Baptists.
Today's paper.
A brother in-law's phone number.
Today's paper.
Pen.
An atlas he can check out.
Today's paper.
I don't know if the website will charge you or not, ma'am, if you don't tell me what it is (I phrased it a little differently).
Pen.
Pen.
Someone's phone number.
My computer crashes.
Today's paper.
Scorpions.
Heart disease.
Lecture signup.
Front desk will sell you a disc, sir.
Word processors over there, ma'am.
How to renew books over the phone.
The spelling of "rotten."
Pencil.
Newspapers for August.
She asks where the LC catalogued books are. I point out that we use Dewey here. She deduces from this that we do not have any books on child labor law.

Internet Signups: 57

In the Afternoon:

Stapler.
Copier advice.
He wants to know the password. Which password?
Check the coin return, ma'am.
Unclaimed funds websites.
You're too small to use
this computer. So's your brother.
Investors Business Daily.
Medicare physicians in the area.
She phones to ask me to give her the names of hispanic poets. I tell her to come in. She never does.
Person lookup in Pensacola.
Second Sunday, by Michele Andrea Bowen, Always wear Joy, by Susan Fales-Hill, and Dating games, by R. M. Johnson.
ASVAB books.
1991 Ford Escort repair manual.
7 notarizations.
Phone for a local attorney.
Stapler.
Phone for a local chiropractor.
"Where is the County Clerk's offices?"
A patron needs the GED records from when he took it in prison in 1992.
Books by Eleanor Taylor Bland.
They'll make change at the front desk, sir.

In the Evening:

Try the circ desk, sir.
GED books.
Directions to the library.
Books on mountain goats and rams, with pictures.
I show a patron a free online catalog.
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
Pencil.
Printer advice.
Internet? Too young!
Baby name books in english and spanish.
The reference interview goes from William Hunt "... who created the first theories of psychology," she says, to books on depression, and all of a sudden jumps to spanish literature. College freshman, week 2.
How to spell "pleurisy."
Please sit down at any computer you like, ma'am.
Printer advice they did not need.
Don't run! He doesn't listen, but he's running out the door, anyway ...
Can I help you? He loudly clears his throat, and hangs up.
"I left my books on that table, and they're gone!"
Librarian J decides not to check out The brotherhood of the bomb, by Gregg Herken. "I can't handle it right now."
Don't run! The two year-old grins and runs away.
Help with filling out immigration forms.
Books on American politics, around 1965.
Korean grammar books.

Internet Signups: 21