In the Morning:

"Moody's dividend manual"
Here's a catalog right here, sir.
Online citizenship exam.
Devil's canyon, by Ralph Compton.
"Does the Wall Street journal have a business section?"
Congressman's phone number.
Microfilm reader explanation.
Where's the big meeting? In the meeting room.
Today's paper.
Two paper jams.
Copier advice.
How to reply to an email.
Sunday's paper.
Yesterday, both copiers were being repaired. Today, they are both broken.
"English language encyclopedias."
"I'm finished with the paper!" She's taken each section from the pole and mixed the pages up.
1996 Hyundai Excel repair manual.
Night, by Elie Wiesel.
Computer crash.
Washroom?
"Where's the working copy machines?"
Texas rich, by Fern Michaels.

Internet Signups: 26

In the Morning:

Pen and paper.
Aw, your library card picture isn't so bad, ma'am.
"I have a question." Local history audiobooks on CD.
"I have another question." Local clubs that do line dancing.
"I have just one more question." Driving directions.
Microfilm reader explanation.
"I have one final question." Train schedules.
Books by James Herriott. Okay lady, I don't need more details on why you need them ... Lady? Lady ... lady ... For god's sakes say goodbye lady.
Darkness bound, by Larry Brooks.
Diabetes.
Computer crash.
Microfilm read advice.
That's not a copier, sir. It just looks like one.
New Spring, by Robert Jordan.
"Books about a famous person, by a well-known author."
Books on interviewing.
A former neighbor pops by to say hello.
Computer crash.

In the Afternoon:

Kid's section is downstairs, ma'am.
"I can't find Marilyn Monroe"
Librarian Y can't stop talking about food.
The dead zone, by Stephen King.
All the copiers are being repaired at once.
Don't run!
Copier advice.
I tell you again, sir, we can't get that book for you by tomorrow. No, sir, it's a book, not a "printout."
Don't run!
Printer advice.
Consumer reports, for October 2002.
Books by Barbara Cartland.
Kenya.
The pillars of creation, and Naked empire, by Terry Goodkind.
Steve McQueen.
"I need books on the constitution test."

Internet Signups: 57

In the Afternoon:

I do not feel well at all today.
A feast for crows, by George R. R. Martin.
Printer advice.
You ned a photo ID to use the computers, ma'am.
I give my "How to use the microfilm reader" speech.
Printer advice.
Lost floppy.
Oh, my stomach ...
Library cards at the front desk, ma'am.
Phone book.
Stapler.
Madame X, the one with Lana Turner.
Push the green button, ma'am.
You spelled "Yahoo" wrong, sir.
"I need a historical novel and a book on somebody's life."
Local paper.
Login problems.
No, I don't know why that page won't load, ma'am.
Address to the American Cancer Society.
Newspapers for October.
Sorry, I don't know what reference book you were looking at earlier.
Old yearbooks.
Old city directories.
Add about a half dozen computer crashes to the above. I'm going home to bed.

Internet Signups: 43

In the Morning:

Do you have an email account, sir?
Sunday paper.
The copier needs money, ma'am.
Salmonella.
I tell the man three times that we don't have carbon paper. He just stares at me.
Printer advice.
It's hard to explain internet login precedure when your patron is deaf.
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
Copier advice.
Baby name books.
I can't make the text any bigger, ma'am.
Printer advice.
The Gentrys: Cal, by Linda Howard.
"My mom wants books by Christina Agathy. She writes books like Sherlock Holmes."
Pen.
Stapler.
Pen.
Newspaper from last week.
City directory.
Another city directory.
Stop calling me "dear."
WPs are over there, ma'am.
That woman is going to bug the man sitting at the machine next to her for advice until he explodes.
A batch of newspapers.
"Self-help books on tape."
Cry no more, by Linda Howard.
Printer advice.
I help a woman over the phone. Meanwhile the line forms. They are all impatient. One is sighing dramatically. One is tapping his fingers on the counter. Another hangs his head. Others exchange meaningful looks concerning the decline of service in modern society. It is the best display of put-uponness that I've seen in some time. I find it so amusing I almost neglect to call Librarian X for backup.

In the Afternoon:

Marriage proposals. The patron's sister wants to propose at a dinner in front of both families and wants ideas. A fun reference question!
Pregnancy.
A patron screams and has a fit.
Today's paper.
Pen.
What Librarian Q said on the phone: "Yes, ma'am, we have outlets if you want to plug in your laptop here." What the patron heard: "Yes ma'am, bring in the carcass of your PC here and we'll diagnose your hard drive problems for you."
Printer advice.
Sorry, you're too young for the internet, kid.
Ah, the paramedics are here.
Missing floppy.
CEO of Hallmark Cards.
The paramedics wheel out the patron, who is looking much better.
Today's paper.
Printer advice.
What a wonderful world, by Bob Thiele.
Today's paper.
Today's paper.
Today's paper.
Library Y wonders who is taller: Simon or Garfunkel?
The adventures of Tom Sawyer, by Mark Twain. "The new version."
Copier advice.
Today's paper.
Stuff by Richard Wilbur, but I suspect the patron is confused.
Batteries, and "lemon power."
Cookbooks. I try to have him narrow it down, I really do!
State tax forms.
Computer virus software.
Printer advice.
1987 Mercury Sable repair manual.

Internet Signups: 35

In the Afternoon:

How to change the font.
Printer advice.
Type www.yahoo.com, sir.
More printer advice.
Newspaper.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, by John Gray.
Chevrolet books.
Still more printer advice, all for the same guy.
Missing floppy.
Today's paper.
A lady returns a newspaper and says "A man doesn't put his hand in my pocket!"
Newspaper.
A patron wanders off, muttering "Stupid bitch." No one's in a good mood today.
"Do you remember an article in the paper last week about ..."
We don't have the county death records here, sir.
Sorry, sir, that machine is not hooked up to the printer.
The human nervous system, and the assassination of JFK.
Today's paper.
Scissors and tape.
A baby is tortured.
Yes, sir, that library card will work here, too.
Books on the scottish educational system. Ouch.
A royal duty, by Paul Burrell

In the Evening:

ASVAB books.
Singin' and swingin' and gettin' merry like Christmas, by Maya Angelou.
Como agua para chocolate, on video, not DVD.
Meeting room signup.
Stop playing with that computer, kid.
"Books on bibles, catalogs?"
Religions of the world.
Vaginal spermicide.
She's babbling something about identity theft and someone in this library.
The Darwin awards, by Wendy Northcutt.
Library cards at the front desk, ma'am.
Attractions of New Mexico.
Two kids are fighting and scrambling over a footstool.
Chicken soup for the teenage soul on tough stuff, by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Kimberly Kirberger.
The spirit catches you and you fall down, by Anne Fadiman.
Diego Rivera.
Can he check out back issues of Time?
Atlases.
Sorry, sir, you can't install Professor teaches Microsoft Office on our computers.
Printer advice.
Personal statements and law school applications.
Hairstyle magazines.
How early does your letter have to be at the post office to get overnight delivery?

Internet Signups: 27