Wednesday, December 19, 2007

In the Morning

That guy's shoes squeak worse than mine.
Can I help you? (Click)
HOBET guides.
A patron explains the difference between Charlie Mccarthy and Paul McCartney, also the difference between rich and poor.
Can I help you? "No."
Today's paper.
A straightedge ruler and a pen, a black one, please.
A patron picks up an ILL'd videotape.
Sorry, no tax forms yet.
Two faxes and a paper clip.
He wants to call Flint, Michigan's library for a CD.
A project chick, by Nikki Turner.
Today's paper.
They'll get you a new card over there, lady.
They'll check your book out over there, lady.
Local restaurant phone number.
Microfilm reader help.
The microfilm lady is back because I failed to explain something.
He wonders why he can't convert a vid file to an MP3 from the software on our public machines.
Police officer exam books.
Our replacements are late, I'm told, because they're having lunch with the director.

Friday, December 07, 2007

In the Afternoon:

Ten minutes resetting all the public computers.
And now the phone’s screwed up.
Sorry, kid. No headphones.
Copier advice.
Card charger advice.
Quiet, please.
“Rainbow fish” books for his little sister.
T is for trespass, by Sue Grafton.
I check a computer reservation.
Lampwork glass beads.
A kid tells someone to shut up and is told to shut up.
The fish kids are back for more fish books, also DNA and drawing …
Stop hitting him, and shut up!
Shut up! (Different patron)
The bathroom’s open, sir.
The stairs are by the front door, kid.
Paper and pancil.
Computer signup advice.
A long patron story about pages missing in the newspaper.
I chase some kids out of the stacks, though they would deny they were chased out.
Spanish books.
There’s a clock behind you, kid.
Huckleberry Finn on CD.
A little girl returns the golf pencil she borrowed.
Seeing Emily, by Joyce Lee Wong.
Ten minutes to go. I call for pizza.
We're closing, sir. ... Don't get pissed.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

In the Afternoon:

It's freezing in here ... again.
Computer login help.
The law library is next door, ma'am.
I show an elderly gentleman how to purchase a cd online. (He figures it out! Whoo-hoo!)
Yes, ma'am, our printers are working.
"My computer's not working."
Missing mouse ball.
Clapton, the autobiography.
This isn't the machine you reserved, sir. That's why it won't let you on.
You'll have to buy a print card, sir.
Key to the study room.
Someone to see the library director.
Today's paper.
Manga blog recommendations.
Emmett Till.
How does he get satisfaction from his employer, White Castle?
Don't run!
Notarization. She pulls out about eight different IDs and fills out two forms all with a big baby on her left arm.
Books by Zane..
Computer login advice.
Today's papers.
Our pencils aren't sharp enough for him.
Scary movie 2 and Shrek 3.
Don't run!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Willa Catheter??

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

In the Afternoon

Don't run! And turn off your cell!
You can run, but you can't hide, by Duane "Dog" Chapman with Laura Morton.
Somebody left their hat.
Yes ma'am, a card with from that library is good here.
She asks for books on herbal treatments for asthma by saying "I need books on health issues."
He seems a little surprised that Rush Hour 3 and Spiderman 3 both have waiting lists. "Well, what movies DO you have?"
Do we have online tests?
Sorry, sir, you can't hand out church flyers here.
The computer classes were booked up weeks ago, ma'am (she is not listening).
Suddenly there are three of us on desk.
"They guy with long hair ... Is he here?"
Copier advice.
He wants a couple dozen books and videos by David Icke, and to renew a dozen more he had already ILL'ed. Our new Librarian Q tells me that our would leaders are dinosaurs.
Circuit Breaker forms.
"Say hi to the nice librarians." "No!"
Office 07 CD-ROM guides.
How to make a computer reservation.
Half of a yellow sun and Purple Hibiscus, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
She doesn't want the computer class she's signing up for, she doesn't even know what it's for, but it's the only one open.
Valiant, by Holly Black.

Kid: "Where does the library get its money?"
Me: "We steal it."
Mother: "Don't listen to him."
Me: "It's true! We rob banks."
Mother: "Don't listen to him."

Monday, October 22, 2007

In the Morning:

Back from vacation, sigh.
I give my computer signup lecture.
Resume templates.
Printer advice.
Kids are camping out at the express Internet workstations.
Don't worry, ma'am. The card will pop out again if you put it in the wrong way.
More resume advice.
More printer advice.
She can't log in. Probably a fine on her card.
Local employment office. Finally! Forty minutes in, I get a non-computer related question.
How to pull up your own library record.
Where are the CDs he placed on hold earlier that morning. crashes a machine ... and he's mad because he doesn't get his time back.
Your card might have expired, ma'am.
Mapquest directions.
The glass pops off of the microfilm reader.
Guest pass for the Internet.
Those machines don't print, sir.
Computer class signup.
Yes, sir, any machine that's open. Yes, that one's fine, sir.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

In the Afternoon

The choice, by Nicholas Sparks.
Yet another question about our computer workshops, which were all booked a week ago ...
Keep it down, guys.
I give my "How to load the microfilm reader" lecture.
Aztec language.
Today's paper.
Do we have what?? A dot-matrix printer??
The debit card you bought only has sixy cents to start with, ma'am.
Question after question about Michael Bloomberg for an old man.
List of local food pantries.
What version of Word do we use?
More computer class signups.
SHUT UP! (Several times)
Night, by Elie Wiesel.
A whole bunch of people come up to me for things the circ desk does.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

In the Evening:

Don't run!
Bathrooms are over there (different patron).
Printer advice.
Walk! (She was skipping)
The kids section is downstairs, ma'am.
Yes, sir, we're the only public library in town.
I don't speak Spanish, but Librarian C here does.
Don't run!
There are more kids around every damn day.
The kids section is downstairs, sir.
It costs two dollars to replace a lost card, ma'am, or is it three?
The names of local Spanish language newspapers.
Don't run! Hello? Excuse me! Don't run!
Books on getting published.
A patron (adult) gets irate when I tell him he's too loud.
A patron insists the we log him into a terminal, when he can do it himself, making ME irate.
Don't run!
CDs by Sonora Dinamita.
Ancestry Plus? You have to come in to use it, ma'am.
Who moved my cheese? on CD.
I've given up on telling kids who are assigned to read a book (In this case To kill a mockingbird) that they shouldn't see the movie instead.
Car-lene Research.
(Sigh) The Crucible on DVD.
Don't run!
You have to wait in that long line to get a library card, ma'am.
"You have magazines about medical careers?" Turns out books would work too. I don't think she knows the difference.
"Are there computers open?"
They'll break a twenty over there, ma'am.
Librarian C is over there, ma'am.
H. R. Giger books.
Don't run!
I gesture for the guy to turn his cell phone off. He turns his back and crouches, as if that lessens the sound.
Quiet, guys.
I tell them to shut up again. At least it's fifteen minutes before closing ...

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

"Do you have 'The Mango of the House?'"

You mean The House on Mango Street?

"Er, yes."

Monday, September 10, 2007

Happy Monday

Harold Robbins and Sidney Sheldon on CD.
Ontario's a province, sir, not a city.
Where can you receive a fax? Good question ...
I put a guest patron on a computer.
Today's paper.
No, we didn't get the weekend paper, either.
Another guest on the computer. I tell her to save her work often, but I know she won't.
Printer advice for two patrons which involves a lot of blank stares.
Yes, sir, that card from a nearby library will work here.
Not Islam. ... The Nation of Islam.
Actually, he wants Elijah Muhammad.
Copy machine's right over there, ma'am.
Tilman Riemenschneider.
You need to wait in line there for a library card (x2).
Shut that baby up, lady.
Guest on the computer.
Computer class signup.
1998 Grand Marquis repair manual, and one for a 2002 Malibu.
Yesterday's paper.
Negotiate This! by Herb Cohen.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Which Patron Would You Rather Help?

Mother: I need books on psychology.
Son: Cartoons!
Me: Can you narrow it down a little?
Mother: ... Beginning ...
Son: I want cartoons!
Mother: ... Adults, children, you know ...
Son: Cartoons! Where are the cartoons?!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

In the Evening:

Several computers go down in unrelated ways.
Computer class signup.
He's shocked and angry because we won't give him a library card.
Yoga books.
Dead Man Walking.
Basic Automotive Service & Maintenance, by Don Knowles.
Polish language instruction books.
Can I help you? (click)
How to put money on her library card.
They'll break a five for you over there, sir.
Mr. Bean.
Concertos on DVD
Pygmalion, by Shaw.
Today's paper.
"Something's wrong with my computer. It looks fake."
Pygmalion, by Shaw. It's a class assignment. I give away our last copy. The library closest to us is also out.
How to attach a file to an email.
Greek mythology and culture.
How to use the microfilm machine.
Don't run!
More file attaching lectures.
Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets.
The sisterhood of the traveling pants.
Books by Kathy Reichs.
I reset yet another public computer.

Monday, August 13, 2007

I'm not going do the afternoon, but I'd like to add that my first encounter with Windows Vista isn't pleasant for me or the patron. She updated it last night and now it's saying "Wireless adaptor? What wireless adaptor?"
In the Morning:

We start with a fire alarm, but it turns out to be nothing.
There's no key for the bathroom needed, sir.
They'll look up your barcode over there, ma'am. ... Well you got to have some kind of ID for them to do that.
Who's cell is that?
Lift up the top to make copies, ma'am.
We don't have a computer class schedule yet, sorry.
Another cell phone.
Another patron with no ID who wants to use the computer.
Turns out the rambling patron just wants the spelling of "amazon."
Bathroom's over there, and you get a library card over there.
Today's paper.
Today's paper.
"Do you have the capacity to remove vocals from soundtracks here?"
We're still having problems with the public computers asking patrons for reservation numbers they do not have. It's a pain in the butt because it means getting up every time and resetting them.
Sorry, sir, no study rooms.
I can tell he wants to tell me all about Xenophon.
ASVAB books.
We don't have a computer class schedule yet, sorry.
New York travel books.
You get two computer sessions a day, sir.
BOCA 1996.
We will send faxes, sir, but we will not receive them for patrons.
That library card is good here, ma'am. Just register it with circulation.
We don't have a computer class schedule yet, sorry.
When a local tavern started up.
The one, by Kathy Freston.
Sorry, we don't offer classes in Quickbooks.
A large pile of local history booklets.
A lost wallet full of fifties.
Their son's going to court today and they need newspaper articles about the case.
A man lost among the CDs.
The print jobs come out over here, sir.
The secret, by Rhonda Byrne.
Some people need to ask permission to do anything.
A big book with all the CDs listed in it? Not here.
Phone books.
A psychology textbook by someone named Gray.
Beluga whales.
The curious incident of the dog in the night-time, by Mark Haddon.
We don't have a computer class schedule yet, sorry.
The mists of Avalon, by Marian Zimmer Bradley.
Books by Harold Robbins. Wait, she actually wants tapes ... No, books after all.
We don't have a computer class schedule yet, sorry.
Scrap paper's right over there, sir.
Someone made a reservation before you did. No one's ripping you off.
I thought he wanted dissertations on desigh, but he wanted books on writing diesertations.
And to finish, another fire alarm!

Friday, August 03, 2007

In the Afternoon:

Four more hours and I get a two-day weekend!
The man announces that he's made 400 copies in 6 days, thanks us, and leaves.
No printer connection. Reboot.
"Can I just leave these here while I use the bathroom?"
It still won't print. We switch machines.
The circ clerks are discussing the Potter book very quietly because they know I haven't finished it yet.
Printer advice.
I don't know why they transferred you to me, sir. I'll transfer you again.
"Way of words?" "Way with words?" he doesn't know.
I think I know this person ... or two or three like her ...
Trying to budget part of our collection I start with the assumption that I have twice the money. My bewildered boss calls me.
She describes her computer illiteracy as "old school."
We don't have an index to the obituaries that year, sir.
The online form hates the patron who's trying to fill it out, but it likes me fine.
Printer advice for the Old School girl (Press print).
Ashford & Simpson.
Lift the top up to copy, sir.
DVDs are over there, ma'am.
More copier advice.
More printer advice.
Soup kitchens.
Ravinia tickets.
We don't have math tutors, but we have math books. Yes, you need a library card. Yes, you need some ID to get one.
The house on mango street, by Sandra Cisneros.
Printer advice.
He gives me a detailed update on a homeless guy I helped out, and I don't remember any of it.
Today's paper.
Harry Potter books in Spanish.
Dave Mason CDs.
The date of a local air show.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Five feet away a patron is telling a circ clerk how the Harry Potter book ends. Thanks, buddy.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Late Afternoon:

That's not a web address, ma'am, that's an email address. See the little @?
The Big book in Spanish. And where are the meetings?
CDL books.
Shouting in the lobby.
The Peloponnesian war, by Thucydides.
Maybe I should Twitter this.
Intermediate algebra.
"Where are the black author books?"

Friday, July 20, 2007

In the Afternoon:

All the soup kitchens along Rt. 80.
Algebra books for dummies.
Our network's been having problems for two weeks now, and I think it's about to crash again.
Bethroom's over there.
You need to wait in line to get your card into our system ... Yes, we have wireless ... Everywhere, ma'am.
More computer resetting.
Today's paper.
"Can you reset this computer"
"Can you reset it again?"
Algebra DCDs and CD-ROMs for dummies (different patron).
I don't know why your barcode doesn't exist, ma'am. I'll transfer you to circ.
Mental measurements yearbook.
Don't run, guys.
The wireless should work anywhere, ma'am.
All the computer classes were booked weeks ago, ma'am.
Computer reset.
And another.
Printer advice.
Paper towels (what does she need them for)
Today's paper.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

More News from the Graphic Novel vs. Manga Front

A girl asks if we have any manga, taking the time to explain to me what that is. She wants fairly common stuff like Inuyasha and Full Metal Alchemist. I take her to the graphic novels, where the manga is mixed in by artist name.

She stares at the superhero collections and "adult" GNs and asks "What are these?"

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

In the Afternoon:,

Child of darkness, by V. C. Andrews, and Blaze, by Richard Bachman.
Bathroom's over there.
He wastes four dollars at the printer and insists on a refund.
A nine-page fax.
Bathroom's over there.
We don't have marriage records, kid.
Bathroom's over there.
The card reader won't read his card, but I know the magic trick to fix it.
No, sorry, I don't speak Spanish.

In the Evening:

I extend a patrons internet session.
We kick a kid off the computers.
Bathroom's over there.
You can get a new card over there, ma'am.
A computer taking FOREVER to load.
Bookstores around here? You're joking, right?
No cell phones, sir.
Copier advice.
Spanish instruction books.
Computer reservation advice.
The messengers.
A lesson before dying, by Ernest J. Gaines.
GED books in Spanish.
"Everyone should read this book! It'll open your eyes!" Fortunately, Librarian C is helping this patron and I don't even see the title.
Lost cellphone ... Found.
Suite Francaise, by Irene Nemirovsky

Friday, June 08, 2007

To People in General

If a card reader rejects your card, it may not be the card's fault. You possibly inserted it the wrong way.

I thought everyone knew this, but events of the past couple days have proven me wrong.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Halfway Through the Afternoon on Memorial Day Weekend Saturday:

I think I remember finding a book for a patron a half hour ago.
I remember I handed out a pencil.
Oh, I had to refill the toilet paper in the men's room because I was the only man around.
The phone just rang! He wants Rocky Balboa.
Librarian M has vanished.
Don't run (I whisper)!
Pen and Printer advice, within one minute. It's a rush!
He calls about three movies, but as usual doesn't want us to put holds on them.
Two people to a machine, kids.
Suddenly everyone wants printer advice at once.
Eldest, by Christopher Paolini.
How to search the net for a Greek food item when she can't spell it.
"Dream ___" (she can't remember) by somebody. She comes back repeatedly to ask about fantasy authors she can't remember the names of, e.g. "A Black Canadian Christian author with dreadlocks."
No food, kid. (He gives me a look of death)
We close at five, ma'am.
How to put holds on books.
Bad luck and Trouble, by Lee Child and Simple genius, by David Baldacci.
The tipping point, by Malcolm Gladwell and Who moved my cheese, by Spencer Johnson.
A last minute rush. Just what I wanted ...
"You have books from ancient Rome? How about ancient Greece? Spain?"

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

In the Evening:

The hug therapy book, by Kathleen Keating.
Confucius and Zoraster.
The kid is genuinely perplexed. Why can't he run?
The computer reservation printer jams.
Sorry, ma'am. June's computer class schedule isn't available yet. That girl has got to shut up ...
Francesca's kitchen, by Peter Pezzelli.
Can I help you? (click)
I tell the girl's mother to shut the kid up.
We're getting a whole bunch of requests by middle schoolers for information on WWII veterans. Not famous ones, just ones who once lived around here. They (or their teacher) seem to think we have deep archival information about every local person who ever served in the military.
Another shouting child.
Yes, ma'am, the computers are up (they were down over the weekend).
Hamlet lit crit.
A Taking sides book on crime.
Now the first loud child is back.
They'll renew your card over there, kid.
This side of paradise, by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
"A book with all the states in it."
Yes, ma'am, the computers have CD-ROM drives.
Genshiken 8, rapidly becoming my favorite series.
No cellphones, ma'am.
A couple in search of a library catalog.
Real estate.
The painted veil and The Queen.
Just sit down at an open terminal, ma'am.
Jack the Ripper. It's his senior thesis.
Never eat alone, by Keith Ferrazzi.and The secret, ed. Rhonda Byrne.
How to do a resume.
Jack the Ripper movies (same kid).
I show someone where the resume templates are.
The first Sunrise Home in Illinois.
Eldest, by Christopher Paolini.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Librarian K's last day here, with punch, cookies, handshakes, etc, was interrupted by his wife going into labor.

No sense of timing.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

It's unnaturally quiet here tonight. I mentioned this to Librarian C, and she replied that it's "Prom Week."

Huh? A whole week?

"They take it seriously."


ME: It takes a whole week to get your dress fitted and your nails done?
TEENAGE GIRL: Sometimes.

Monday, April 23, 2007

In the Afternoon:

Sigh, a few days off isn't enough.
Saturday's paper.
No cell phones, sir.
Printer advice.
No cell phones, sir.
The copiers right over there, kid.
The paper is returned completely messed up.
If I'm going to notarize this I need your husband to come in so I can see him do it, ma'am.
Catalog computers are over there, sir, where they've always been.
The Godfather returns, by Mike Winegardner.
How to attach a file to an email.
A patron and I discuss Genshiken, Mercedes Lackey and other things.
The notary needers are back, with the right people and forms.
No cell phones, ma'am.
Bathroom's over there, sir.
There are pencils over there, sir.
Printer advice.
Teacher certification exams.
Computer class signup.
Someone keeps calling for Librarian M, but she's not around today.
Where the hell are all the ACT exam guides?
Night, by Elie Wiesel.
Two people to a terminal, kids.
The third time she's called asking for Librarian M.
Scrap paper's up there, sir.
It's a wonderful life and Strangers on a train.
She has a list of two dozen different composers. The teacher wants her to choose one, choose a piece, and write about it. She has no clue whatsoever. And however I help her I'm afraid I'll have helped her hate classical music for the rest of her life. ... In the end I find her a Debussy greatest hits collection and one for Copland. Hopefully she'll at least recogize some of the melodies.
Where's my replacement?
Books on murals and graffiti.
A child called it, by David Pelzer.
She calls AGAIN for Librarian M. Happily, she's right here now.
A policeman comes by looking for a kid.
Georges Seurat.
Restrooms are over there, kid.
Guitar instruction.
Two kids to a machine!
Copier advice.
No running in the stacks!
Reading comprehension.
Where's my damn replacement?
Shut up, kids!
Printer advice.
Finally, my replacement.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

In the Evening:

Once again he calls asking for a handful of movies, but doesn't want us to place holds on them.
It's six o'clock, sir.
The "How to reserve a computer" lecture.
DVDs are a dollar for three days, kid.
Nursing exam guides.
I proctor an exam.
Computer controls for heating and cooling systems.
Something's wrong with her Yahoo login, and it's apparently our fault.
Tonight's computer class is in the different location, and it's apparently my fault.
Publication 575.
She gets a debug? window on her web page.
"Do you have dis?" Huh? "Dis." Sorry? Oh, disks!
A movie about Queen Elizabeth, but which one? "They wearing heavy clothes!"
Programmable logic device controls.
You pay for faxes over there, sir.
I do half a dozen old movie ILLs.
Old stock prices, and a long story.
You could ask the receptionist if you could use her phone, kid.
Weight and measure conversions.
101 great answers to the toughest interview questions, by Ron Fry.
There's your problem, ma'am. Your username has an underscore in it.
I take pity and let a woman with fines log in to the computer. Then I find out how much she owes ...
Antique jewelry.
You were unable to save info on your CD because our machines don't do that, sir.

Friday, March 23, 2007

In the Morning:

Strong women stay young, by Miriam E. Nelson.
"Any Paula Abdul CDs?" Um, no. I'm kinda surprised by-- (click)
How to get on our computers.
Where did his ILL request go?
How to get on our computers.
That card's expired, ma'am.
State tax form.
DVDs on pregnancy.
GED books.
Another computer login.
I can't help you play your songs on the computers, sir.
Don't run!
Please turn you headset down, sir (different patron).
A discussion about the city's flag, or lack of one.
"They said I was in the paper."
Keep it down, guys.
She wants to make sure her print job is completely gone.
No cell phones!
Stop running!
I print out a tax form.
Looks like the security guy's about to kick some kids out.
I reserve a computer for a lady.
I proctor a test.

In the Afternoon for an Hour

They sent the wrong test!
How to print. Twice.
Loud talk at circ about the poisonous cat food.
How come the page he copied came out blank?
Some more proctoring fun.
Isaac Asimov books. He doesn't believe I'm familiar with the author.
You can get your library card registered at our library, sir. Then it will work here.
He defaulted on his student loan. Who should he call?
Don't run! (She stops dead in her tracks and gives me a worried look)
My brain tunes out and I forget what I did for a number of patrons. Sorry. It's Friday.
Trans fats, by Judith Shaw.
Genshiken v.8, and some Bittorrent advice. Tsk.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Sigh, I was just looking up a drug interaction. I didn't really need to know all about her urinary tract infection and cyst on her leg.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

In the Evening:

10 bad choices that ruin Black women's lives, by Grace Cornish.
The scarlet and the black.
The printer ate his internet reservation slip.
Yes, we ILL VHS tapes, sir.
Tons of Young Lords Party books. "You got nothin' here." That's because they're mostly dissertations with only one copy in the US.
Medical technology books.
A couple of newspapers returned.
How to print in color.
Meeting? What meeting?
Mary Shelley.
Missing library card--Found!
Our free papers are over there, ma'am.
How many books can you check out? How many can you carry?
Bathroom's over there, sir.
Yes, I think The bellboy is a comedy.
How to make a computer reservation.
Click the "Printer Friendly" button, sir.
Five minutes to diagnose the printer before I realize it's out of paper.
Pinter advice.
Don't run!
Dream interpretation.
Bathroom's over there, kid.
Don't run!
Keep it down!
And don't run!
You can't log in because that's a kid's card, kid.
Printing in color instructions.
Books on healthy eating.
Ralph Ellison.
Scissors and stapler.
I pick a pencil up off the floor, place it on the circ counter, and announce that I have done my good deed for the day. The pencil promptly rolls off the counter back to the floor.
African music.
My super ex-girlfriend and Accepted.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Patron: You remember a couple months ago my mother had rheumatoid arthritis? And you found some books for me and you downloaded some things off the net, and they really really helped a lot.

Me: Well, glad to hear it!

Of course I have no idea who this man is.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

In the Afternoon:

Today's paper.
Four copies of the state 1040 form, and confusion with the copy machine.
Computer class signup.
Yeah, we'll print in color. A buck a page.
They're too young. That's why they can't log on, sir.
Books by Michael Ledwidge
He hands me a filled-out scholarship form, and I wonder why.
More color printing, with two docs and messed-up page numbers he insists are okay.
Today's the 14th, ma'am. "Oh, yes! (chuckles)"
Yeah, our blue pens don't work too well, ma'am.
They'll look up your card number over there, sir.
Exercise books. "Sit-ups and stuff."
More printing advice. The patron is making the job far more difficult than it needs to be.
That newspaper should be in a rack over there, sir.
He calls up twice a week and asks for the exact three videos. He doesn't want us to place holds. He just asks if we have them and then hangs up.
She wants to reformat and edit her document in order to print fewer pages, and she expects me to hang around while she does so.
Credit repair.
Tax forms are over there, sir.
Alan Greenspan.
Historical fiction. Can you narrow it down? "Um, western civilization?" She narrows it down to Elizabeth I.
A small girl at circ: "All these books are gonna cover my head!"
The Sears Tower.
Computer reservation advice. And then some more.
A history of a local movie theater.
Where's my replacement?
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.
Your computer's on, ma'am. It's on a screen saver.
Computer signup advice.
I'm getting a little tired of high school kids muttering either "I need a computer," or "My computer don't work."
Here comes another one ... And another ...
No replacement yet.
"My bloody life," by Reymundo Sanchez.
And another ...
"Gang books."
Ah, my replacement.

Saturday, February 10, 2007


For every librarian who has dealt with this question, and had to deal with confusion of an innocent patron who doesn't get it (because the whole thing is so STUPID!), I provide this link.

Print it out and tell the patron to take it to whoever was smug enough to ask them in the first place (Scribble more red ink onto the blood in panel five if you can find the right pen). If it's their teacher, put your name on it, and where they can find you. Look forward to the conversation.

Monday, February 05, 2007

I would like to say ...

I get such a warm, fuzzy feeling when I have eject a patron when the temperature outside is Zero.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007


It took all of ten minutes of fruitless catalog searching and head scratching before I realized that the woman's name is Coretta Scott King, not Loretta Scott King.

Meanwhile young patron (who knew the proper spelling but was unaware that I didn't) blindly trusted my judgement and waited patiently while I wondered why the hell I wasn't getting any hits.

Monday, January 15, 2007

In the Afternoon:

Jodi Picoult books.
How to get a library card.
"My bloody life," by Reymundo Sanchez (I'm sick and tired of finding new links to books I've mentioned thousands of times).
(Forgive me. I'm grumpy for having to work all weekend and then having to come in today)
Tuskegee airmen on VHS? Sorry.
Librarian Y is weeding the philosophy books while laughing evilly.
"The movie 'The hill.' ... Not that one. It didn't have James Bond in it."
Printer advice.
World's greatest treasury of health secrets, requested by a man talking on a cell phone while driving.
CFE? ... no. MCFE? ... no. IFSEA? ... no ...
You: the owner's manual, by "that guy who's on Oprah all the time."
"You're a bachelor, so you ought to know where the love poems are ..." Etc. etc.
Martin Luther King books.
No cell phones, sir ... sir?
The Sunday paper.
Breast cancer.
She picks up a book on hold for her.
Stock trading.
Orkin phone number.
In the womb, by Peter Tallack.
I should kick a girl off the computer for using her mother's card, but she's actually working on a project, so I simply give her a warning.
Sorry, lady. No state tax forms yet.
Don't run!
She thought that "Fairweather friend" by Johnny Gill was an album, but it's actually a song.
"The lion king" on DVD.
I can't remember the titles of the next two books ....
She didn't save her document ...
No cell phones, please (and this one WORKS here).
He makes signing up for our computer classes way too complicated ...
Off to a bloody meeting ...