In the Morning:

Computer crash. The patron feels guilty.
Computer crash.
Word processors are over there, ma'am.
No matter what the weather, that man is always sweating.
Stapler?
Descriptions for job titles. She insists on using the computers to find them. "Would it be Yahoo or Internet?"
Printer advice. When I show her the print server her response is: "I was kidnapped." At least this time she didn't mention the government conspiracy to steal her military ID.
Books on the Netherlands.
"Affadavits?"
Newspapers from two weeks ago. No, not those dates. These dates.
Kid's section is downstairs, ma'am.
Kid's section is downstairs, ma'am (This is where the only working copier is located).
Valueline.
Still more newpapers.
"Any nice restaurants around here?"
A state Centurions club I could not find.

In the Afternoon:
I fax a computer workshop schedule. The patron used to work here.
Address to another library.
Domestic management, time management, that sort of thing. I showed her the 648s and she seems happy for now.
Tiles, patios, that sort of thing.
Patron has issues with the IRS, but I can't help him with that.
The daughter spots the halloween books on the shelf before I do. "HALLOWEEN!"
Sunday's classifieds.
"Do you have know anything about copyright forms? I just wrote a book ..."
"There are some busy beavers on the internet today!"
DVDs are downstairs, sir.
Good. A quiet afternoon before a three-day weekend.

Internet Signups: 22

In the Morning:

A man gets offended when I suggest he can't spend all the time running his business over our Internet terminals, and walks off in a huff.
A chapter of the Tax code. The patron calls me a "scholar and a gentleman." Librarian Y laughs out loud.
A lady can't find the area which had the stories she wanted, but she didn't want novels, she wanted books on the South Pacific, no, books about people transferred there because other people died, of course, but it has to have a nice story.
The fig eater, by Jody Shields.
Computer crash.
Printer advice.
Bathroom?
Tape?
Pen?
I capture the castle, by Dodie Smith.
"City directory. No, this isn't the one I need."
Sorry, sir. We can't give a receipt for the copier.
Directions to the county jail.
"The microfilms are missing an issue of the paper." No, they're not.
They'll break a five at the front desk, sir.
Sorry, ma'am, we don't have a scanner.

In the Afternoon:

Dictionary?
That's the address for the courthouse, sir.
Can I help you? "No."
1987 Ford Mustang repair manual.
Pot planet, by Brian Preston.
A man seeks some statutes.
A man seeks his son. "He isn't far. I have the car keys."

Internet Signups: 28

In the Morning:

A transfer to ILL department.
Valueline.
The ILL problem lady comes in because she didn't understand the phone instructions.
Computer crash.
Printer advice.
Computer crash.
Printer advice.
Joke books.
"Which computer is it again?"
I reluctantly help a patron format a resume.
"How do I work this? The Internet?" She wanted to do an inmate search.
She needs to print out payroll checks, and their version of Quickbooks crashed. So she's come here to try and do it in Excel.
Divorce forms.
One of my least favorite patrons just called and requested Final Exit, by Derek Humphrey. I can only hope.

In the Afternoon:

Sorry, ma'am, we need proof that you're high school age in order to use our Internet computers.
Sorry, ma'am, I didn't hear you. Did you want books on Jean P. Getty or John
Gotti?
Poor Librarian Y gets a patron who asks for Genealogy. What resources? she asks. "1800's, birth certificates, anything there is." Poor Librarian Y.
Microfilm advice.
Pop sheet music with tabs, esp. Beatles.
ILL question.
Local census data.
Pen?
Phone number for Sure-Tel.
Damn, lady, that's disgusting. Next time wear a bra, or cover up more (I didn't really say that).
Email advice (She forgot her password, and answering the secret question will send the password to her email account, which she can't get into).
Printer advice.
"How can I send this email to this dozen addresses without any of them knowing about the others?"
Printer advice.
More printer advice.
Whoops it's 3:00. Gotta go. Meeting from hell.

Internet Signups: 34

In the Morning:

"Is (another librarian) there?"
Local papers, a week's worth.
Local phone book.
More local papers.
Turn the paper on the glass sideways, ma'am.
Home again, by New Edition, and Invincible, by Michael Jackson.
He has a street address and the name of the state. That's all.
Word processors are over there, ma'am.
He comes back with a company name, zip, street name and city. None of the
information matches anything.
Today's paper hasn't arrived yet, sir.
Stapler.

In the Afternoon:

Can I help you? "No."
An Olympic committee needs to track down place and date of death for an athlete who last competed in 1945. Even they don't know.
Beyond the broken gate, by Charles Graybar, and a book I couldn't find called "John of God."
Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte (Cliff's notes).
I demonstrate the focus mechanism on a microfilm machine, but it doesn't matter because the printer part is busted.
"I parked my car in my backyard, and the zoning people came over ..."
You don't need permission to use the fiche reader, sir.
She wants the phone number to a local grocery store. I think it's closed. She disagrees. I was right, ha!
Copier advice, and a free copy for the patron.
V. C. Andrews books. Later she narrows it down to Twisted roots.
Printer advice.
1987 Mercury Sable repair manual.
"Books on songwriting, and writing poetry?"
... And she returns for books on screenwriting.
A librarian, from a nearby library (let's call it a poor cousin of ours), wants us to fax them a copyright form.
George Washington's world, by Genevieve Foster.

Internet Signups: 23

I come in the door, carrying my lunch even, and a patron stops me to ask a
question.

In the Afternoon:

"I need Alfred Hitchcock short stories."
Lies and the lying liars who tell them: a fair and balanced look at the right., by Al Franken.
All the Ed Gorman and Walter Mosley books we have--in paperback.
BOCA codebook.
Three notarizations. I try to steal his pen.
Violets are blue, by James Patterson.
The shelters of stone by Jane M. Auel.
Kid's section is down the stairs, sir.
A patron wants Techie Y to help him, not Techie X. We talk her into it, though she keeps insisting she will miss Techie Y.
Bathroom?
Youth at risk ed. Dave Capuzzi and Douglas R. Gross, Counseling toward solutions, by Linda Metcalf, The Passport Program, by Ann Vernon, and Educational Psychology, by Robert
E. Slavin.

In the Evening:

There's a scavenger hunt going on. Kids keep coming up to me and asking me strange things.
Living history, by Hilary Rodham Clinton.
Scratch paper.
Printer advice.
Philosophy, who needs it? by Ayn Rand.
Pencil?
Holds are at the front desk, ma'am. You're quite welcome.
A notarization not done right in the first place.
Yes, ma'am, CDs are listed in the catalog along with the books.
Early child care.
Books on Noah's Ark, "different versions." I finally realize that he wants various flood legends.
Yes, ma'am we have an online catalog right over here.
Videos on current social trends in Indian society.
Pictures of Hollis woods, by Patricia Reilly Giff.
"The Cuba books moved!"
"Do you have any books by the author V. C. Andrews?"
He wants Lolita, by Vladimir Naokov.
No, he wants it on tape.
No, he wants the movie, on DVD.

Internet Signups: 14