In the Morning:

Sorry, sir, our machines don't have slots for memory sticks.
How to print an online airline ticket.
"Are these computers all the same?"
Do we subscribe to any business databases?
Baby names.
Bathroom.
Notarization.
Printer advice.
Sorry, ma'am. Our machines can't handle that type of microfilm cartridge.
The microfilm reader usage lecture for another patron.
More printer advice.
Copier advice.
Copier and printer advice.
Sorry ma'am. We can't unzip files on these machines (She proved me wrong).
Winslow Homer.
More printer advice.
"Does ---- play for the NFL?"
Suddenly I'm helping three people at once, and a fourth wonders why I can't drop everything and help her.
More copier advice.
And more!
Printer advice.
English/spanish picture dictionary.
Saturday's paper.
Printer advice.
Check out books over there, sir.
Yesterday's paper.
More printer advice, as in "Can you show me how to do this again?"
"How do I get a chess game on the computer?"
The assassination of Julius Caesar, by Michael Parenti.
Someone told her on the phone that we know what form she needs.
Dictionary.
Where the hell's my replacement?

In the Afternoon:

Study room, our hours, directions, etc.
"Y'all do the checkout?"
What is it with people and basic coin-operated machinery today?
Today's paper for one of our mutterers.
The book's title contains "For parents only," which is not enough.
Printer advice.
"I don't have any cash. I'm from Texas. I'm in town for my son's graduation."
Librarian Y is using the mouse with her left hand for kicks.
"Forte." Do you pronounce the E at the end?
Computer workshop schedule.
Event signup.
Can I help you? "No, thank you," but she comes back for a computer workshop schedule.
He downloaded and installed a chat program on our machines and is upset because someone might get his passwords, or something like that.
Librarian Y, preparing for her vacation, is looking at airline food.
Our page brings by a lovely bird book that has been damaged.
A different mirror, by Ronald Takaki.
Where's my replacement dammit? Oh, I'm here until six ...
Fonts and type faces.
Workout books.
Bathroom.
We close at six, sir.

Tax forms: 5

In the Morning:

I remove two holds.
Western novels.
Computer workshop schedule.
Copier advice.
Printer advice.
That 11kb file is just the downloading program, sir. The 50mb file you really want won't fit on your floppy.
He couldn't reach Yahoo yesterday. Still worried.
Ritalin and children.
State forms.
FAFSA forms.
Tax counseling info.
That's why you can't reach Yahoo, sir. This one is for word processing.
Videos are downstairs, sir.
GED books.
Printer advice.
More printer advice.
I repeat the advice.
Twice.
The angels message to humanity, by Gerald and Betty Schueler, The yoga bible, by Christina Brown, and Seven masters, one path, by John Selby.
Email addy for a state representative.
She has to reveal an embarassing medical condition to me.
I demonstrate to a patron the wonders of "undo."
WPs are over there.

In the Afternoon:

Young's literal translation of the Bible, by Robert Young, or God.
Morse code SOS phone ringer. I suppose it could be worse.
Where to buy a city sticker.
Printer advice. Please stop interrupting me.
Spanish dictionary. Not english/spanish. Just spanish.
Measurements.
Printer advice, for the third time.
WPs are over there, ma'am.
101 secrets to winning beauty pageants, by Ann-Marie Bivans.
Basketball books.
Tax counseling schedule. Over and over.
Two notarizations.
Princess Diana.
The destruction of Black civilization, by Chancellor Williams.
Is our copier working? asks the kids' section.
25 city directories.
Copier advice (Press the green button).
Divided in Death, by J. D. Robb.
Self finance books.
I don't know how to change that format in Word, ma'am.
The battle of Vicksburg.
Honda's history.
"The life and death of a star." Marilyn Monroe? Natalie Wood? Oh.
Auto repair books in spanish.
Ties that bind, by Phillip Margolin, for my least favorite patron.
That tango (the one you think of when you think of tangos) as a phone ringer.
Weekend lottery numbers.
Sign language books.
Dictionary.
How to write a business letter.
You can recharge your debit card over there, ma'am.
"Excuse me, sir. I haven't been to the library in quite some time." I cringe, but all he wants is the fiction section.

Tax forms over there: 2

In the Morning:

Can I help you? (click)
Yellow pages.
Side by side, by Steven J. Molinsky and Bill Bliss.
Le morte d'Arthur, by Thomas Malory.
Rainfall extremes in this county.
To kill a mockingbird, by Harper Lee.
A lady wants to talk to a couple of administrators, who seem to be hiding from her.
Tax counseling info.
W-4 form.
How to reply to an email.
State tax forms.
Can we provide step by step instructions to get a superstar's autograph?
G. K. Chesterton books.
How to print just part of a webpage.
Missing floppy.
Tax counseling info.
Yes, ma'am, that means our copy is missing. (click)

In the Afternoon:

We kick out two loud teens.
Printer advice.
Yesterday's paper, because today's hasn't arrived.
Elder abuse.
He donates today's paper.
Nadine Gordimer.
The terminals are packed. No school today. People who came early to beat the kids are disappointed.
Books on Pacific states? Oh, "specific" states. My bad.
"What is your best encyclopedia?"
"Someone told me the paper said you had jobs here."
Zoning ordinances.
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
A radiology association I can't locate.
I doubt if that painting you found is the original Good old days, sir.
I'll reshelve that for you, ma'am.
Scratch paper.

Times I pointed to the tax forms: 4

In the Morning:

Printer advice.
Change is at the front desk, sir.
Girl with a pearl earring, by Tracy Chevalier.
Coin values. More coin values. Turns out the two men are together.
Printer advice.
Some doctor she saw on Oprah.
How to open and copy a jpeg file.
Blue book value for a 2002 Audi A6.
"In your workshops do you teach file structures?"
Computer crash.
Another patron too cheap to buy his textbooks.
Email address confirmation.
He hit the wrong button in Word and it's all kerflooey.
Printer advice.
"Who is my congressman?"
Printing with his own paper.
Newspapers from last week.
More newspapers from last week.
Local hospital phone.

In the Afternoon:

Not only am I at the desk, I have to do virtual reference at the same time.
Books about Portugal, in spanish, and Arthur C. Clarke, in english.
We've double-booked the meeting room. Hilarity ensues!
No Portugal books in spanish. How about english?
The only working copier is downstairs, ma'am.
Books about Avi.
I keep hitting the "Get Patron" button, but another virtual person always beats me to it.
You just need to press "enter," ma'am.
I got a virtual patron! ... And he asks me to do his math homework for him ...
Dang! Missed another one.
(virtual) Egyptian mythology and the pyramids and all that.
Cry, the beloved country, by Alan Patron.
Reboot.
Yesterday's paper.
They'll break a dollar for you at the front desk, ma'am.
WPs over there.
Discs at the front desk.
Canterbury tales, by Geoffrey Chaucer, but she wants a "new translation."
(virtual) "1,000,000,000,000,000. What's it called?"
Everyone here is talking ... just loud enough to be annoying but not quite loud enough for me to tell them to shut the hell up.
The color purple, by Alice Walker.
(virtual) Sorry ma'am, your card is from another library. It's out of my hands.
(virtual) He's doing a term paper on Ford tractors.
(virtual) Sugar content in fruit.
(virtual) Pictures of the Lapps.
(virtual) Vertebrate vs. Invertebrate.
Way too much time spent on a lady who wants old Topper and Blondie episodes on VHS.
Andrew Jackon Beard.
Kid's section is downstairs, kid.
The car repair book section.
Tax counseling is downstairs, sir.
Stalking the unicorn, the astonishing story of the Saint of Cabora, and Eleven days, by Brianda Domecq.
Addicted, by Zane.
Some guy's phone number.

In the Afternoon:

The mastery of love, by Don Miguel Ruiz, and For the love of money, by Omar Tyree.
Lots of vegan books.
His W-2 form.
A January paper.
1999 Buick Park Avenue repair manual.
Computer workshop schedule.
WPs are over there, ma'am.
Chaucer.
The only working copy machine is downstairs, sir.
Wire jewelry.
Powerpoint books.
How to send an attachment.
A tale of two cities, by Charles Dickens, on tape.

In the Evening:

Sex offender databases.
Click "Proceed to Checkout," ma'am.
Missing cell phone.
Printer advice.
Don't run!
Today's Barron's.
Tax counseling information.
November Newsweeks.
Two notarizations. Tedious jokes about Janet Jackson.
(Sigh) October Newsweeks.

Nothing much to count today.