In the Morning:

How to back up a floppy.
Local college catalog.
Disks at the front desk, ma'am. "Are they already programmed?"
A patron suggests that we hire him. Fortunately, he is kidding.
Yahoo mail hates his account, but likes mine.
He needs an outlet for his laptop.
Printer advice.
Moon on the water, by Mort Castle, and Black butterflies, by John Shirley.
"Is the meeting room open December 7th?"
"The computer ain't acting right."
Librarian Y gets a patron who wants "the history of dreams."
America's real war, by Daniel Lapin, Stories and poems for extremely intelligent children of all ages, ed. Harold Bloom, and Rachel Ray's 30-minute meals.
Yahoo mail hates three more patrons.
"You see anyone with a baby?"
The kids section is downstairs, ma'am. Coincidently, so are the videos.
"Books by these authors." The sheet lists twenty names.
Books on geishas.
Juventud en Extasis, by Carlos Cuauhtemoc Sanchez.
Books on body language.
Nearby libraries.

In the Afternoon:

Led Zeppelin biographies.
My computer crashes.
A patron reports that the ads are missing from today's paper.
I want to put up a sign that says "Go Away." Librarian Y thinks I shouldn't.
Book sale information.
The print server decides to print without charging a patron, who is pleased.
Today's paper.
I suppose there are worse phone ringer tunes than "The old folks at home."
I leave the desk early.

Internet Signups: 59

In the Morning:

Print server reboot.
Terminal reboot.
They'll give you a card at the front desk, ma'am.
City directory.
The power of a praying parent, by Stormie Omartian.
"Why do you sign up people for the internet?"
Sorry, we have no artwork to loan out.
Vincent Van Gogh. "This one." He shoves a photo in my face.
Printer advice, and a ton of handholding.
You can sit down at any machine you want, ma'am.
More handholding for the same patron.
Resume books.
The Watsons go to Birmingham, 1963, by Christopher Paul Curtis.
Sorry, sir, your ILL hasn't arrived yet.
All his money is in his wallet, which is in his car, which is miles away. How did he even get here?
Terminal reset.
Printer advice.
Chemistry books in spanish.
A book of polish cooking he had looked at yesterday.
Conan books.
Terminal reset.
Don't call me buddy.
Terminal reset.
Terminal reset.

In the Afternoon:

Over the river and through the woods, by Joe DiPietro, and the score for The pirates of Penzance.
Title 7 stuff online.
It's nothing you did, sir. It's the stupid computer.
Copier advice.
Resume books.
Sorry, ma'am, no one turned in your ID.
Today's paper.
Printer advice ("I sent it to the server and only one page came up so it was weird").
"Internet Explorer and the other eight elements."
Patents.
Printer advice. They get mad because they have to pay.
Careers in occupational therapy.
Three different workstations refuse to print his document.
Some 11 year-olds want to read Low rider magazine.
Definition of the word Watusi.
GED book.
Often when I ask a kid not to hang from the counter, their parent gets upset with the kid. Why? If I was that age I'd hang from the counter, too. That's what counters are for.
Occupational outlook handbook.
She's going back to college and needs forms, catalogs, etc.
Roses.
Perfumes.
The battle of Little Big Horn.
Books on stepfamilies, in spanish.
Copier advice (Turn the book sideways, sir).
The copier needs toner.

Internet Signups: 48

In the Morning:

Yes, you can sign up for an internet terminal again, sir.
Please please please get that screaming infant out of here.
You need an email account to send email, sir.
I don't know your password, sir.
Printer advice.
They'll break a five at the front desk, ma'am.
She saw it on TV: a police chief murders his wife.
She has forgotten the name of the police chief, the show, and what channel it was on.
Try the copier over here ... oh, sorry, no color copies.
I think she found her man: Murderer with a badge, by Edward Humes.
What becomes of the brokenhearted? by E. Lynn Harris.
Printer advice.
Yahoo keeps rejecting his username. "I tried everything."
Did Erik Larson ever go to UIUC?
A long line of people seeking printer advice and muttering to themselves.
Investors business daily.

Internet Signups: 16

In the Morning:

Local drivers license phone.
"I need to make a copy but I need it to go sideways."
Tax form 55-something or other.
Copier advice they didn't need.
Copier advice.
Paying for college without going broke.
The printer isn't jammed, sir, it needs more money (I had a similar question yesterday. These things come in waves).
Yearbooks, 1932-34.
"Basic reading books."
Human cell disorders.
That's an online catalog, sir, not an internet terminal.
Scrap paper and dictionary.
Printer advice.
Yes, ma'am, there is indeed a book waiting for you to pick up.
You can buy a disk at the front desk, ma'am.

In the Afternoon:

1996 Chevy Van repair manual.
Local Habitat for Humanity phone.
Stapler.
Today's paper.
He needs it again.
1040EZ for 2002 and 2003.
Yes, sir, there's a book waiting for you at circ. No, I can't tell you the title over the phone.
"Books on bartending drinks. Up to date."
City directory.
He looked like he had a question, but in fact he was just looking at me strangely.
Another city directory.
I guess he thinks it acceptable if he takes his cell phone into the stacks. No one goes in there.
"The old GED book."
Printer advice.
Put the camera away, sir.
"Books with all the tobacco lawsuits. I'm doing a paper." Also an MLA handbook.
El Salvador.
Phone book.
"Where are these books at?" That call number's for a cd, ma'am.
"Books on witchcraft, and dead people." Make up your mind.
Mummies.
Intermediate algebra.
More El Salvador.
Still more El Salvador.
Yesterday's paper.
I can't figure out if geography has changed as a science since I went to school, or if these students are confused.
Sorry, you're too young to use the computers up here. I don't care what the kids librarian said.
A man who can no longer walk well asks for books on running.
The origin of the jack-in-the-box.
"Is this picture more cultural or physical?" It's the geography student again.

Internet Signups: 29

In the Afternoon:

The public internet stations are down. It's scheduled maintenance to fix the last scheduled maintenance.

He points to the empty terminals. "What time?" Not today. "What time tomorrow?"
He wants to ILL schoolbooks for the entire semester.
Not today, sir. They're down.
They're down.
Yes, all of them.
Yes, that one, too.
Sorry, they're down. "Even email?"
Librarian X isn't here, ma'am.
Actually, most of the patrons are taking it pretty well.
Lonely Planet guides for Jamaica, Costa Rica, and Barbados.
"Not at all?" Not at all.
Voter registration.
"Books on teeth."
A couple of textbooks. They never learn.
I promise you, ma'am, that we've never had Texas newspapers. "Oh, maybe it was phone books."
Sorry, they're down today.
A patron asks who is reponsible. I point to Techie Y and the Consultant and say to blame them. Techie Y points to the Consultant and backs away.
Citizenship exam books.
Articles on teacher certification. I have to bring out the old Readers Guide.

In the Evening:

Yes, you could sit at the internet terminal with your mom, but we're not up today.
Sorry, ma'am, I haven't seen your sister in a white turtleneck.
Sorry, the computers are down. Maybe tomorrow, too.
They're fixing something.
That's right, they're down all over the library.
Sorry.
Today and probably tomorrow, too. "Wow ..."
Books on coaching fifth grade basketball.
Contact information for an event we held Friday.
Sorry, they're down.
You can't use that disc here today, sir. I don't care if there is a slot for it.
Pencil.
Books on a specific type of bat: The "big-eared bat."
"The absolute location" of this town. I get him the latitude and longitude. "Is that absolute?"
They're down.
Red-tailed monkeys. "That's what our teacher called them. He's usually wrong."
Sorry, they're down.
"Location of this town, in the air." I assume he means aerial photos.
Don't run!
Blank paper.
"Witchcraft books, or something like that."
Drivers education books, followed by cookbooks and aerobics tapes.
Married, but still looking, by Travis Hunter.
Books by Luis Rodriguez.
Local police chief's bio, then the mayor, then entertainers and sports figures.
The richest man in babylon, by George Clason, on tape.
Mandrills.
Computer workshop information, financial counselling, and local job openings.
Sorry, we don't have a color printer right now.
Videos are down the stairs, sir.
Today's paper.
Sorry, they're down.
The weekend paper.
There's another copier downstairs.
There's plenty of paper in the copier, ma'am. It just needs more money.
Sorry, sir, they're down today.
Why yes, little girl, you can copy pages from the encyclopedia.
"Who did that watercolor on the wall?"
Fiction books are over there, sir.
Copier advice.
Don't run! Christ, they're adults.

Internet Heartbreaks: I count 21, but there were more.