I was supposed to be on desk this afternoon but a scheduling mixup kept me in my office, and I feel fine. Have a good weekend.

In the Morning:

Automatic transmission books.
Consumer legal guides (her automatic transmission died--different patron).
Status of an ILL he requested yesterday.
Book discussion group books for another library.
Building a home bar.
They'll stamp your parking ticket at circ, sir.
He's sitting at a computer and not using it, while others wait. He gets pissed when I tell him to move.
Social Security office.
Local Rotary club.
"Jet books."
Real estate exams.
Book discussion group books for our library.
Computer workshop info.
FAFSA forms.
Does another library have the same microfilm as we do? Do they have their own? And countless other microfilm questions.
Our machines don't like her floppy.
Bathroom?
ASVAB books.
Small business books.
Microfilm printer advice.
"Can you teach me how to work a computer?"
Copier advice.
Printer advice.
"Do you think I can find a career on these internets?"
Bound feet and western dress, by Pang-Mei Natasha Chang.
Adding an image to her Yahoo profile.
Math books.
"Business manager salaries?"
State tax form.
Printer advice.

In the Afternoon

Copier advice.
Printer advice.
The great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald (Cliff's notes).
Dream sewing spaces, by Lynette Ranney Black.
The ultimate weight solution, by Phil McGraw, Superfoods, by Steven G. Pratt and Kathy Matthews, and Audrey Hepburn, by Sean Hepburn Ferrer.
Our copier/printer rates are going up. I put up signs for the patrons to ignore.
Local chiropractor.
Do we buy books for teachers?
She's here to pick up books chosen by high schoolers. Wha?
Kid's section is downstairs.
Whoops, that site isn't too work friendly.
Just press "enter," ma'am.
SARS.
Wahida Clark.
Pictures of the barrier reef.
A middle school teacher calls. It's local history project time again. Oh god.
If the cellphone has to play "Hall of the mountain king," the least they could do is get the notes right.
Exam proctor question.
Sunday's paper.
History of Barbie.
Microfilm is over there, ma'am.
Johnny Tremain, by esther Forbes, on audio.
We just started offering fax service today, and already people are calling up and stopping by.

In the Morning:

Pencil.
WPs are over there, sir.
Pregnancy books.
How to get to MapQuest.
Copier advice.
Newspapers from February.
She wants to bring twenty small girls to an upcoming program.
"There's water all over the men's bathroom."
Empress Orchid, by Anchee Min, and Interpreter of maladies, by Jhumpha Lahiri.
She lost her W-2.
She wants to ILL a textbook halfway across the continent because she doesn't want to buy it.
She thinks she wants opera librettos.
Sheet music to It's a long long way to Tipperary.
GED books.
I give the microfilm use lecture. Only then does she say "Oh, I've used it before."
You can buy a floppy at circ, sir.
Dorothea Orem.
Stapler.
Printer advice.

In the Afternoon:

Printer advice.
Workshop schedule.
Books on Hannibal, and "books about Christ by italian authors."
That's the wrong printer, sir. You want the one over there.
Buying foreclosures.
Casino gambling.
Pencil sharpener.
I leave to conduct a workshop. No one comes. I return to the desk.
Making buttons.
They'll sell you a floppy at the front desk, sir.
"Can you think of the names of any other serial killers?"
That's not a copier, ma'am.
Valueline and NYT.
My notes say "insertion," but I have no idea what that means now.
PageMaker 7 books.

In the Afternoon:

Librarian Y is back wearing a clever disguise. She has a new perm.
All the information we have on a tiny business in another town.
City directory.
Some old newspapers.
Tax forms.
City directories, lots of city directories.
Books showing that reading improves the mind.
Her document is blank, because it's the wrong one.
Fax machine?
Computer workshop schedule.
Phone book, newspaper, and a whine.
Bus schedules and a funny look. I think he thinks we're hiding some routes from him.
Phone book.
Printer advice.
D. H. Lawrence and Percy Bysshe Shelley.
Komodo dragons.
The Moulin Rouge, by Jacques Pessis
Another library's phone.
Printer advice.
Where the hell's my replacement?
The death of innocence, by Mamie Till-Mobley and Christopher Benson.

In the Evening:

I can't figure out a trick in Word, but the patrons are forgiving.
The awakening, by Kate Chopin, A catcher in the rye, by J. D. Salinger, Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte, and Rabbit, run, by John Updike.
Printer advice.
Another Word trick, but I solve this one.
Fiction is over there, sir.
Priter advice.
How to recharge a debit card.
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
Prison reform, alternative sentencing etc.
Another internet policy complaint.
No ma'am I cannot go around the library looking for a girl in "a white shirt with something red over it." Whining won't help. Neither will guilt trips.
A notarization.
The copier makes change, ma'am.
Bosnia.
No, you can't use the print server to type a paper, sir.
Copier advice.
Stapler.
The reappearance of the christ, by Alice Bailey.
Astronomy and wines.
Shut up! Don't fight!
Boolean logic, Venn diagrams, and stuff about, for instance, Max Planck.

In the Afternoon:

Printer advice.
We don't have the moddle school yearbooks, kids.
Catalog lecture.
Form 6251.
Type the URL there, not there.
There's no one in the phone book by that name, ma'am.
FAFSA forms.
Overheard: "You need the idiot's guide to being a good husband."
It's not formatting right because you're using Wordpad, not Word, ma'am.
Classifieds.
Printer advice.
"Do you have outlines for research papers?"
Printer advice.
No wonder you can't find the book, ma'am. It's in the kids section.
Just press "enter" ma'am.
Reboot.
Sorry, kid. You're too young.
Fitness.
I reset an online catalog twice.
City directory.
The copier is over there, sir.
King Arthur.
Copier advice.
Another catalog reset.
No wonder your computer keeps freezing, sir. Look at how many windows you have going at once.
Phone book.
Don't run!
Pencil.
Debit card machine advice.
3rd degree, by James Patterson and Andrew Gross, and Running with Scissors, by Augusten Burroughs.
Anne Frank remembered, by Miep Gies, on tape.
The printer won't print. I can't figure it out. The patron figures it out (turn the printer off and on). "Years of executive training ..."
Another printer screwup.
"Presidential candidates ... and the Supreme Court."
I can tell she wants me to write her resume for her.
Today's paper.
ANOTHER printer reset.
Librarian Y calls to check her schedule! She's heard my pleas! Or she's finally back from vacation.
Pen. We're out. Pencil instead.
Reboot.
"Fahrenheit 450, or 450 grams, or something like that."
How to recharge his debit card.
Lies (and the lying liars who tell them), by Al Franken.
The man in the high castle, by Philip K. Dick. One of my favorite books.
No spaces in the email address, sir.
I hate working Sundays.