In the Morning:

The stairway is over there, ma'am.
Scratch paper and pencil.
"Do I have to read another book before I read The Da Vinci code?
Today's paper.
An old woman is annoyed because pogo.com crashed on her.
The current price of a 1997 Plymouth Voyager SE.
Printer advice.
He has a photo of a newspaper sitting on top of a car's hood. What is the date of the paper?
Stapler.
She responded to a couple of Yahoo personal ads, but they haven't written her back. Is something wrong?
"I've never used the internet before."
City directories for another community, and he's pissed we don't have them.
Pencil.
Can I help you? "No."
Computer workshop schedule.
Can I help you? "No." I must look too desperate.
Copier advice.
Techie Y brings me a forgotten checkbook and SS card.
Techie Y brings me a patron's disk to see if it runs on my workstation.
I think this patron is convinced we're hiding certain city directories from him.
Something about charging for tax forms.
Techie Y brings me another disk so I can cut and paste files the bad one to the other.

In the Afternoon:

Appliance repair. It's hard to use the catalog when you can't spell.
Stapler.
Local contact for the Veterans History Project.
Where to complain about parking tickets.
"Black history."
Death at midnight, by Donald A. Cabana.
A patron returns a pencil, which is nice of him.
I think all our machines have Acrobat Reader, sir.
Donald Goines books.
Stop pretending, by Sonya Sones.
How to delete a YahooMail account.
Don't run!
I kick two kids off the internet machines.
Four policemen come in. They saunter around, looking for someone. They don't say a word, but nod and smile to the innocent.
I decided to run to the AV room for a few minutes, but there's no connection.
Another patron disk crashes another computer.
Her plant, a sort-of indoor palmtree thingy, is dying.
Anthony Wayne.
Address to another library. Traitor.

No signup, okay? 10

Note to Workblog Historians: In 1998 or 1999 (she can't remember), before blogging became popular, Laura was compiling her ref desk experiences in an amazingly similar way. She long ago abandoned it, but the pages are still up. Take a look. Dang, I thought I invented this style ...

In the Morning:

Driver's ed manual.
Out of gas, by David Goodstein, and The hydrogen economy, by Jeremy Rifkin.
Printer advice.
She is delighted to learn we have old papers on microfilm.
"Do you have the books I want?" No, except for The big bounce, by Elmore Leonard.
Pencil.
Copier advice.
Our WPs don't like his disk.
Beanie Baby books.
She's not sure if she wants Box 13 or Ballot box 13.
The books are waiting for you at circ, I promise, ma'am. No one else checked them out.
She's excited. All her friends from the shelter are here!
If you want to open a file, sir, stop clicking on "save."
An atlas that contains indian burial mounds. Cool, but we don't have it.

In the Afternoon

What did you say? A yearbook? Which one? Yes, I know you mean a high school yearbook, I meant what year?
Dictionary.
Aha, no wonder you can't enter your SS number. Your number lock is turned off.
They realize I shouldn't be out here and I get replaced.

In the Evening:

Local AA meetings.
Quantum computing.
A small child coughs up a lung.
Writings of Ulysses Grant and Frederick Douglass.
Study room?
Books on animals. She doesn't know what an animal is. She's a grown woman.
Copier advice.
Chocolate for a teen's spirit, by Kay Allenbaugh.
The place is loud and packed with teens. Some carry posterboard. A project must be due tomorrow.
No ma'am, you cannot plug in your smartcard reader into our machines. Please don't guilt-trip me.
A disturbance at the front door, and cries of "Call the police!" I suppose I had better see what is going on.
Car buying guides.
I leave to conduct a workshop. I come back.
They'll break a dollar at the front desk, kid.
Copier advice.
Luther Gulick? Never heard of him.

Number of Times I Wanted to Throttle a Middleschooler: 18

In the Morning:

Sunday's paper.
Phone book.
Microsoft Excel. "A real crash course."
Ma'am, I don't know if you'll find this China travel guide useful or not. You have to come in.
Another phone book.
Ulcerative colitis.
Lost floppy.
Microsoft Access (different patron).
Printer advice.
Circ will sell you a disk, sir.
"The courthouse sent me here for you to show me how to write a clemency letter."
"Any books by (insert name here)? No? How about (Insert name here). ... How about ..."
Venture capital.
Printer advice.
No ma'am, we don't have your disk, dammit (I didn't put it like that)!
I get whined it because I can't locate an ILL.
Phone book again.
"Any place around here do leatherwork?"
Local tax form.
EKG books.
How to win friends and influence people, by Dale Carnegie, for a patron who desperately needs it.

In the Afternoon:

Printer advice.
Restroom?
Local housing authority phone.
Someone broke a reel of microfilm.
"How many holds on The Da Vinci code?" She does not like my answer.
GED books. He's 70.
Our town's north south east west boundaries, and I discover our local atlas missing.
Alzheimer's but on the internet only.
Printer advice.
Her computer didn't really crash. It just looked that way.
He keeps coming up to Librarian Q with computer questions and a "I'm such a dumbass, chuckle chuckle" attitude.
Here he comes again.
History of R&B in the eighties.
How to do an ñ in a chatroom.
Printer advice.
He wants to work here. He can barely talk.
Printer advice.

No more internet signup, sir: 5

In the Afternoon

State tax forms.
Lost and found (green hat).
Printer advice.
She stares profoundly at a password screen.
Printer advice.
"You guys have the program 'Publishers' on your computers?"
The print server is in a mood today.
I leave early for a meeting.

In the Evening:

Two voter registrations.
Grammar books for kids.
Groves and sheet music.
Print server reboot.
Another complaint about our internet use policy.
Scissors.
I explain why her one page document came out as two pages, one of them blank.
You're too young to use the internet up here, kid.
I leave to teach a workshop. I come back.
Tax counseling info.
Printer advice.
"How do you spell 'Antrena?' It's a name."
At the very last minute he wants everything we have on C. S. Lewis.

No Signups: 3

In the Morning:

"Autobiography of Alex Haley."
Scanner?
"My keyboard has decided to refuse to work."
Bathroom.
Current magazines.
Scratch paper.
"I think the computer got frozen."
Computer workshop question.
"Can I have some assistance on how to print?"
Tax counseling question.
St. Jude's Hospital.
All the computer need to be rebooted.
Fax machine?
Lost library card.
The Battle of Gettysburg.
Resume books.
Copier advice.
Microsoft Access.
Pictures of Ludracris and Snoop Dogg.
African-American self esteem statistics? Huh?
Printer advice.
Local phone book.

In the afternoon

No, I can't go to circ and sell you a disk, sir. I don't even know where they keep them.
Tears of a tiger, by Sharon M. Draper.
I can put one of your posters on the bulletin board, ma'am. Only one. No, there is not someone else you can talk to. I don't care if it is for Habitat for Humanity.
The last juror, by John Grisham.
Stapler.
Shabby Chic books.
Sorry, your lime-green disk was not turned in, ma'am.
Strange, your disk works fine on the other computers ...
Printer advice.
Techie X left at three, ma'am.
Don't run!
Darkness before dawn, by Sharon M. Draper. Sorry, it's still not on the shelf.
Fatal remains, by Eleanor Taylor Bland.
Jamaica Kincaid.
They want to know about their house, who lived there, everything that happened there.
Printer advice.
Stapler.
David Pelzer books, and Stolen lives, by Malika Oufkir and Michèle Fitoussi.
WPs are over there, ma'am.
Articles of incorporation forms.
A kid unplugs a whole table's worth of computers.
We really need more Zane books ...
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
Sorry ma'am, we don't carry that newspaper.
The concert, by Ismail Kadare.
Microfilm advice.

We don't sign people up how many times I gotta tell you?!?!?! 14