In the Morning:

Reboot.
"Is Librarian Q there?"
The Da Vinci code, by Dan Brown, and Give me a break, by John Stossel.
"Hamlet, Macbeth, and just plain Shakespeare."
State Tax form.
1956 obit.
Missing floppy found.
You can renew your card at circ, ma'am.
You can get a card at circ, ma'am.
They're irate because I don't know what tax form they need.
I reset an online catalog.
Lit crit for Lord of the flies and The catcher in the rye.
Click there, sir.
Reviews of Pet Sematary.
You need a library card to use the computers, sir.
Contact info for Kappa Publishing.
Is city hall open today?

Times I Explain the New Internet Signup Procedure: 8

In the Morning:

Stapler.
The printer eats some money.
Stapler.
You need a library card to use the computers, sir.
Yesterday's paper.
I proctor an exam.
Computer workshop info.
Printer advice.
1996 NEC code. He must take it home with him. He must.
Here's how you log off the computer, sir.
Microfilm lecture.
Library cards at circ, sir.
You need a library card to use the computers, sir.
Morningstar.
The weather for September 28, 2003.
Stalker, by Faye Kellerman.
Reboot.
It's not your fault that the Salvation Army email address is wrong, sir.
Three reboots.
No library card, no computer, ma'am.
Voter registration.
Tax forms 2688 and 4868.
Ancient Egypt articles online.
Fax.
If it keeps crashing your browser, ma'am, I wouldn't visit that site.
Reboot. A whole bunch of them, in fact.
A whole bunch of people butting into line.

In the Afternoon:

Reboot.
Rats, by Robert Sullivan, Lone star nation, by H. W. Brands, Night of the radishes, by Sandra Benitez, and The pecking order, by Dalton Conley.
You can't log back on because you've used up your time, sir.
Library cards at the front desk, sir.
Lesko books.
A book which doesn't exist.
Computer workshop schedule.
They'll stamp that at the front desk, sir.
Library cards at the front desk, ma'am.
They'll look up your barcode at the front desk, ma'am.
Weekend paper.
Why don't you put those books on that cart over there, rather than dumping them on my counter?
Reboot.
You didn't have to sign in two months ago because we didn't use this system two months ago.
9/11 books.
The value of her EE bonds.
Printer advice.
Pencil.
Pencil.
She takes the screaming baby into the stacks but we can all still hear it.
Circ will sell you a floppy, ma'am.
Tax counselling information.
Today's papers.
Printer advice.
Reboot.
I don't know how your insurance company's webpage is arranged, ma'am. I've never been there.
I should forgive, but, by Chuck Lynch.

Use Your Library Card to Sign In: 22

In the Morning:

Copier advice.
Tax forms?
Men's room?
Dead floppy.
WPs are over there, ma'am.
A circ lady asks me if someone is on a computer.
Word templates.
Whoops, that page isn't work-safe.
Word templates comfuse her.
Reboot, reboot.
Drawing books.
Copier advice.
Bus schedules.
My computer crashes. Twice.

In the Afternoon:

Copier advice.
Our new computer software is already acting goofy. It doesn't help that we don't know quite how to use it.
Blue is for nightmares, by Laurie Faria Stolarz.
Lots of books on Hamlet.
Biographies?
Critical essays on Half a life, by V. S. Naipaul, but she can't use online sources.
Librarian Z, whom I am covering the desk for, returns. I leave.

New internet software explanations: 7

In the Morning:

Today we introduce a new internet use policy. They must have a library card. They get one hour. This is in response to our no ID needed, unlimited time policy, which was a disaster, with many, many complaints.

Less than a minute into the shift I get my first complaint about the new system, a lady who lost a few minutes because of a printer snafu: "You mean you can't give me extra time after your incompetence?"

Just as we expected.

Fax.
1991 Dodge Spirit repair manual.
We're out of the state 1040s so we print them out on demand.
Notarization.
Stapler.
State 1040.
Notarization.
Local map.
Religious education books and videos.
You can get a library card at the front desk, ma'am.
Pain free, by Pete egoscue with Roger Gittiness, and The power of now, by Eckhart Tolle.
Sure your bar code works, sir. Let me show you ...
Local genealogical society contact info.

We have a new internet signup system, sir or ma'am: 11

In the Evening:

Sunday's paper.
The Barefoot Contessa cookbook, by Ina Garten.
Once a king, always a king, by Reymundo Sanchez.
On the down low, by James L. King and E. Lynn Harris.
Copier advice.
Bathroom?
They'll break a fiver at the front desk, sir.
Bathroom?
Notarization. They ask me what the form is all about. I have no idea.
Reboot.
Debit card use lecture.
And another.
"Do I put the card in this way?"
The house of Dies Drear, by Virginia Hamilton.
GED books.
Reboot.
Off the machine, kid.
"Do you have a cart to put books we have pulled?"
Five kids at one internet terminal, doing an inmate search. "He got six years." "Naw, he got four ..."
Phone book.
Mozart's 40th on a cell phone ringer just isn't the same.
Books on the Titanic.
Printer advice.
Reboot.
Control-Alt-Delete twenty times.
Heart of soul, by Elina and Leah Furman.
I download a state tax form.
A college guidebook I can't locate.
Family portrait photography, by Helen T. Boursier, and Location portraiture of families and executives, by Van W. and Pam C. Frazier.
Voter registration.
Printer advice.
Faulty debit card.
How to send an attachment.
Printer advice.
Insomnia.
Malcolm X.
Copier advice.
Books on Crystal Reports.