In the Afternoon:

The adult woman says "I just got a kitty and I need books on kitties. Not cats. Kitties."
That mother needs a lasso.
Computer workshop signup.
A book of old corns? ... Oh, coins!
If these walls could talk.
Kwanzaa and Hannukah videos.
It gets way too busy.
Lots of noise from a group of girls who wear the exact same shade of pink.

In the Afternoon:
Music careers.
National treasure and Librarian: quest for the spear.
Printer advice. Lots of printer advice.
Al Capone.
The adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D.
Elvis.
Knights of the zodiac, vols. 5-7.
Shut up!
Adult literacy materials.
What happened on November 18.
Can I help you. "No, sorry. I just burped."
5th grade books.
Sorry, sir, I don't think we have any Christmas jobs for 15-16 year-olds. And I don't know how to make business cards, either.
Get it in writing, by Brian McPherson.
Elvis in encyclopedias.
Pancho Villa.
A zipcode in Spokane.
Kids are throwing snowballs outside. Call the police.
Mandarin Chinese.
Ancient latin-american civilizations.
How to do an outline.
Cómo pelear con sus seres queridos, by Carlos Cuauhtemoc Sanchez, and My bloody life, by Reymundo Sanchez.
I fix a debit card using my sneaky trick of sticking it in every cardreader we have.
Printer advice.
Sorry, ma'am. This disk is empty.
Once a king, always a king, by Reymundo Sanchez.
What a week this has been ...

In the Afternoon:

A patron gives a circ clerk a lecture on the Dewey Decimal System..
The patron continues: "You got a basic idea what Johnson & Johnson do, don't you? Bandaids."
Whiteout, a fax and Christmas programs.
He comes back to check on a fax we sent this morning.
Printer advice.
Al Capone does my shirts, by Gennifer Choldenko.
Don't run!
The coldest winter ever, by Sister Souljah.
No cell phones, please.
Langston Hughes.
Directions in Chicago.
Every other day I have to tell that table to shut up.
Don't run!
Fax.
More directions.
Dreams.
All those computers have the Internet, sir.
Fax.
Librarian T discuss Jonathan Carroll books.
It's 5:00. Time for the Friday rush.
That little girl is cute and knows it, which is dangerous.
Bathroom's over there, ma'am. No key.
The Perricone weight-loss diet, by Nicholas Perricone.
Free newspapers are over there, sir.
Another loud girl settles down before I can go over and kick her (No, I wouldn't do such a thing).
I reset a printer.
I can't figure out what they wanted. Something about neepers.
The women's room toilets are "messed up."

In the Evening

Napoleon Dynamite.
Constantine.
Online GED classes.
Two volumes of Ingles sin barreras.
"Cold enough for you?"
Printer advice.
Copier advice.
Dictionary.
They'll break a ten over there, sir.
You renew cards over there, ma'am.
Printer advice.
Was that a duck I just heard?
The machine ate her dollar, she says, though it's working for me and everyone else.
Come to think of it, it is kind of cold in here tonight ...
Tae bo, and ESL materials.
Auto mechanic career info.
I hear the duck again.
Chaplin on DVD.

In the Morning:

Tissue.
He wants to get his credit report online, when he's never used a computer and can't read or write to boot.
Effectiveness of torture (no relation to the previous patron).
Two guys are here to fix the public printer.
Wilson databases and a runaround.
That man snorts every ten seconds.
First aid for the USMLE Step 1.
Keep it down, please.
I refill a tape dispenser.
Sorry, ma'am, I don't speak Spanish.
Yearbooks 1974-75.
Christ the Lord, by Anne Rice.
Just type in your barcode, sir.
It's awfully early for Librarian Y to start looking at cookbooks.
Wilfrid Brown and some other opera singer.
The microfilm is over there, ma'am.
Pen.
No cellphones, ma'am.
They're still working on the printer. They leave, they come back with another box.
The joy of signing, by Lottie L. Riekehof.
Keep it down, guys.
Cook books, especially desserts.
We print out a powerpoint thing for a patron.
Dictionary, or a map.
Email books.

In the Afternoon:

The printer repair guys are still here. Heart surgery takes less time.

Yesterday

An old man in a Cubs jacket and cap: "I'm so sick of hearing about the White Sox."

In the Morning:

I come in late.
The girls in their summer dresses, by Irwin Shaw.
Polkas from Slovenia.
A fax goes through after the fourth try.
The computer class is at one, ma'am.
Appointment in Samarra, by John O'hara.
The circ staff argues over who gets lunch.
Copier advice.
Sorry ma'am, you need a card to use the internet machines.
His first resume. I show him the books. Later, the templates.
Washrooms are over there, sir.

In the Afternoon:

A rumor of war, by Philip Caputo, and The longest day.
The second battle of Bull Run.
Two straight patrons with "The computer won't take my card" issues.
Copier advice.
Gee boss I don't know where that book is. Or that one.
Stapler.
"Is Librarian Q there?"
The harmonies for "Leaving on a jet plane."
Major Dundee, and Geronimo.
Microfilm reader advice.
Fax.
Where the hell did all the other librarians go?
Bonsai videos.
Lovesick blues, by Paul Hemphill.
Rhinoceros, by Eugene Ionesco.
I boast about my ability to remove stuck floppies, then I fail.
Try typing your name with the apostrophe, ma'am.
Librarians Y and K are discussing sandwiches. And pate.
"My card doesn't work on the computer."

The Other Day:

"Did my book get returned? I told the guy to bring the book in yesterday. I even gave him five bucks. If he hasn't returned it I'm gonna kill him."

In the Afternoon:

1965 Chevrolet Impala repair manual.
Article from National Geographic.
CDs are a dollar to rent, sir.
A live coal in the sea, by Madeleine L'Engle.
Math in the kitchen, and how to read scales.
Portland International Airport phone numbers.
Librarian Y sneaks off the desk while muttering something.
He doesn't know if he wants Stitch! The movie or Lilo and Stitch one or two or if there's any relation between them, and besides, he has them all anyway ...
Fax.
"Is (another librarian) there?"
Let me explain this copier to you, ma'am.
Librarian Y returns holding a sinister looking bunch of cables.
"Do your computers have sound?"
"You got a class on CD burners?"
I explain the concept of cut and paste.
A couple atlases.
Printer advice.
A big argument about whether the White Sox have clinched or not.
I have to write out the directions to cut and paste. She goes on and on about turkey recipes.
"I'm a computer moron," she says, and waits for me to laugh.
Books on what attracts people to people.
No cell phones, ma'am.
Books on job interviews.
"I printed. Where's the paper?"
Writer's market.
James Herriot books in large print.
Children's books? Downstairs.
Baseball books.
Printer advice.
Stapler.
They'll renew your card over there (twice).
I have no Spanish. He had no English. He keeps pointing to his card and himself and shaking his head.
Sorry, kid. Our ruler has vanished.
Just type in your barcode, ma'am.
Printer advice.
They'll make change over there, sir.
Will we proctor a test for him?
Fax.
Computer class signup.
Please just sit down at a machine and type in your barcode, sir.

One more day until my vacation ...

In the Afternoon:

Caballa de Troya books. "They were right in my face!"
I leave the desk.
I return.
Don't run!
His card doesn't work.
She doesn't even have a card.
ACT and SAT books are over here, ma'am.
Fax.
Librarian K can't decide what to read next.
I reset a printer.
I suggest Librarian K read something by Banana Yoshimoto, because of the name.
"Do all your staff speak Spanish, or do any of them know English?" mutters the grumpy old lady.
I suggest Librarian K read Life of Pi. "I tried. Boring-snoring."
"Books on child development, teachers using art and child development, by Skinker. What do you got on Skinker?"
Librarian K decides on I know this much is true, by Wally Lamb, on 24 cassette tapes.
Collateral damage, and A perfect murder.
I reset another printer.
Fax.
Our computer classes are all booked, ma'am.
She wants to switch computers to get away from some small children.
You're too young to use the computer, little girl. I don't care how cute you are.
Don't run! (Different kid)
Sorry, sir, we don't know which divorce forms you need.
A fax won't go through.

In the Afternoon:

A technical writer who doesn't know how to save files or attach them to email.
From pieces to weight, by 50 Cent.
I kick two kids off the computers.
Someone in the back office is playing a DVD loud.
Just type your barcode there, ma'am.
Guns and ammo magazine.
Sure, you can take a pencil, sir.
You don't scan your barcode, ma'am. You type the numbers in.
Richard Wright, by Hazel Rowley.
Fax.
That's an "a," not an "s." That's why the URL won't work, sir.
No cellphones. (Whoops. She's talking to herself.)
It takes three tries, but we get the barcode typed correctly.
Printing a frame.
The Da Vinci code sound recording.
Sheet music for the Korean National Anthem.
More barcode typing blues.
For whom the bell tolls, by Ernest Hemingway.

In the Morning:

If Hotmail doesn't like that password, ma'am, there's nothing I can do about it.
Local employment office.
Out of town computer user.
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
Copier advice.
Printer advice (Look down, sir. There's your copy).
Some book in Spanish. I forget now.
The microfilm reader dies.
How to get a library card.
The microfilm reader dies again.
Don't run!
If he returns a video in the drop box, is it late?
The microfilm reader dies a third time.
Outdoor life.
Sorry ma'am. That computer won't print.
We're a depository library, but we can't let patrons see the holdings at the moment for some reason.

In the Afternoon:

Computers are there, ma'am, and bathrooms are over there.
Talk to them about a library card, ma'am.
Libarian Y runs up to my screen. "Is that food?"
Obit search.
Some German genealogical cds which won't work on any of our machines.
Pencil.
Costochondritis.
Awww! Isn't it cute the teeny weeny little screaming bawling baby! Get her out of here!
Bathrooms are down there, sir.

Later in the Afternoon:

Our sheriff in 1930-1935.
Sherriff's office phone (different patron).
A book called "Why we are here," or maybe "God's purpose;" she can't remember.
They'll register your card over there, sir.
The print station is at the same place it was before, sir.
Zip code directory, A-M.
Why yes, sir, they did move the stacks around.
He lost his translucent green floppy.
Today's paper.
A complaint about our depository being off limits for the time being.

Yesterday:

"Do you have a book called Night, by Ellie Weasley?"

In the Morning:
A musician asks for the spelling of "maiden" and "voyage."

In the Afternoon:
Printer advice.
We lose a hold on a Nora Roberts book, and the patron can't remember the title.
Undead and unemployed, by MaryJanice Davidson.
They'll stamp your parking ticket over there, ma'am.
Videos about Mount Rushmore.
Where's our ILL lady?
Someone shut that baby up, please.
"I was just listening to my cellphone. I wasn't talking to it."
Stuttering.
Three young women at two computers keep hugging.
You can buy a printing card over there, sir.
"Which of the DVDs are free?"
Fax.
They're still hugging.
No cell phones, ma'am (actually, all I had to do was look at her and she got all contrite).
Back issues of newspapers are over there, ma'am.
No cell phones, sir.
Phone book.
She's two cents short of a photocopy.
She sneaks into the stacks to use her cell phone.
Puerto Rico travel.
Book sale is downstairs, ma'am.
Library card photos over there, ma'am.
"Instruction manuals on how to throw a football."
Natural cures, by Kevin Trudeau.
Bathroom.
By his loud voice we can all tell he thinks we're a ripoff.
A lot of printer advice.
National treasure.
Someone wants a movie called "Lake Palisades"
"You got a movie called Willie the fish?"
Printer advice.
You pay for a print card over ... oh, never mind. It printed for free.
More printer advice.
I can't find a DVD to save my life today.
Bathrooms?
Skins and Lakota woman.
Both our microfilm readers are broken.
It's 5:30. We close at six. No way the book she wants will come down from processing before she leaves on vacation tomorrow morning.
It's too late, sir. The internet terminals won't let you log on.
A whole lot of books, the only one we owned being The giver, by Lois Lowry.
Have a happy and not-too-hot weekend.

In the Morning:

"Where's your history section? I just read a book on the history of supermarkets. Do you have any other history books?"
Windows 2000 books.
Resume books. "What's a resume?"
How to get on our computer.
Printer advice.
Reboot. "Stupid computer," she says after not saving.
Guest pass for a computer.
A tour. Loud children and lots of Shhhing.
Endless questions about local collections, and parking.
Printer advice. One computer is printing for free!
You can check out DVDs over there, ma'am.
Copier advice.
More printer advice.
Fax.
Cell phones outside, sir. (New rule)
A replacement comes and I go off to weed the 000's. Oh, joy.

In the afternoon a bookshelf that collapsed on Friday collapses again.

At the ALA Convention
McCormick Center, Room N228, 1:30-3:30 PM

Introductions. I've forgotten the names of the panelists already.
No difference between online reference and other reference ...
... except for the tools.
We look at some ref protocols.
Don't use too many scripts. Personalize.
Make the email ref form good.
Get the patron involved in the answering process.
Approachability.
Doors slamming. This session is not for everyone.
Everyone laughs at something I think is "wonder.com." "Google answers minus Google."
We will make mistakes.
Ahoy!
Reference work as plastic surgery.
Someone in the audience is knitting.
Do we need all the bells and whistles? "IM works super."
Don't hide the ref links on the library page.
The guy next to me spills his drink on the carpet.
A Q/A session. (Ahoy!)
Protocols.
Staffing problems and bureaucracy.
"Accuracy is so 1996."
"Willingness to return" as an important ref evaluation stat.
The panel laughs at protocol 4.2: "...competent and complete."
Applause from a nearby room.
Cell phone.
Roving techniques. Should ref librarians do it, or can the hired help?
Make the rovers approachable.
Quibbling with protocol 1.7. "Not that I'm quibbling ..."
Omnious rumbles from the ceiling.
Another Q/A.
Rovers can seem creepy.
More door slamming.
Sneezing.
No one seems to like cobrowsing too much. Well, a couple people do.
"What a bunch of geeks we are."
"I always get the hardest questions when I rove."
Serious hating on librarians who won't get out of their chairs.
The goodness of following up.
A success story turns into a brag.
Approachability, approachability, approachability, and followups.
Model behavior assessment.
"Be nice, but not creepy."
Some practice with chat required.
A panelist says "sneakily," but quickly recants.
Training using role playing (which I personally hate).
We're running late.
The last Q/A.
I'm burned out. I don't understand what this guy is getting at.
Applause.
Now off to get some more schwag.

In the Afternoon

The terminal and Spanglish.
I can't understand a word he's saying, yet it's English.
Printer advice.
I'll take care of that book, ma'am.
Beah Richards films.
I can't stamp your parking ticket, sir.
Print server reset.
He lost a floppy.
Copier advice.
Children's Librarian X would be in the Children's section, ma'am.
Computer class signup.
Water exercise videos.
"The movie with Orson Welles, Edward G. Robinson and Loretta Young in it?"
Comcast won't let him log in to his account.
Never so few. Doesn't anyone read in the summer anymore?
I notarize a document and point out the copier.
Printer advice.
For some reason our Buffy collection stops at season 5.
Type your barcode in there, sir.
"If the 306s aren't there anymore, what are they?" (We've been shifting the collection around)
Law videos.
Yay, a hold for me came in!
You need a library card to use the Internet, ma'am.
CD's are over there now, sir.
This computer is already set for font size 12, ma'am. You're all set.
Black rose, by Nora Roberts.

In the Evening:

He finds a collection of X-Men comics at a table. "An angel must have delivered it to me!"
"How to I print?" x3
Books by an author whose name I can't remember now.
I reset a computer and check the ID of a suspicious guy.
His debit card won't work. Neither will Librarian K's. I show them my sneaky trick to fix them.
Try that row of machines over there, sir.
Sorry, we don't give away back issues of the papers.
There's an empty internet terminal there, ma'am.
"I want books in the meat-eater series ... I mean Mediator series!" (She collapses in giggles)
Good-bye, my lady, by James H. Street.
Les Miserables and Breakdown.
Fax
Books on chicken pox.
Press this button for letter size, sir.
You need to see if there's an open computer yourself, ma'am.
Novels about cosmetology. I am thanked repeatedly for past services, which I can't remember.
Yesterday's paper.
I rescue a debit card from a machine.
Keep it down, kids.
Citizen girl, by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus.
Quiet down, girls.
They'll look up your number at the front desk, ma'am.
Driving laws.
Elephants and rhinos.
Printer advice.
A dream dictionary.
Copier advice.
More copier advice (same guy).
Librarian K goes to help the guy a third time.
Sorry sir, today's paper never showed up.
Printer advice.
The kid tells us that the kids section has no books on the United States government.
I notarize an immigration form.

While on virtual reference the other day:

(I'm helping the patron find contact information for a certain author)

Patron: Do you think it'll be on his website?
Me: I don't think he has one.
Patron: Really? That's really weird!

In the Morning:

Breathing Underwater, by Alex Flinn.
Computer class signup.
I would find the webpage much sooner, ma'am, if you remembered the name of it.
No cell phones.
2000 Toyota Sienna repair manual.
The ILL girl isn't there, sir.
Can we take his picture and post it to Yahoo Personals?
He calls to tell us he'll be here today, whoever he is.
Computer class cancellation.
Type your library card there, ma'am.
Collecting china.
A deficit of decency, by Zell Miller.
Computer class signup.
Another computer class signup.
Sorry, ma'am, we don't have computer rooms.
United Nations peacekeepng.
"Is this computer on?"
"Do you have the Illinois Bar Association?"
Printer reset.
Black girl lost, by Donald Goines.
Printer reset.
I kick a woman off the computer. "Trash must be taken out," she mutters.
Two faxes.
Type your library card ...
Sorry, no scanner.
Oh gawd it's a half-day of school today ...
Trial lawyers. I ask him to get more specific and get a complete rundown on the court case.
How to zoom the copier.
Yearbooks '70-'75.
Royally jacked, by Niki Burnham, Beauty sleep and How not to spend your senior year, by Cameron Dokey.
Local paper article.
I give my microfilm loading lecture.
He doesn't like being on hold and hangs up.
Bus schedules.
They'll make change at the front desk, kid.
Square in the face, by April Henry.

In the Morning:

"Prayers that avail much," but not by Germaine Copeland. And today's paper.
Type your barcode there to use our Internet terminals, sir.
VHS tapes are downstairs, ma'am.
Books and advice on hanging pictures. Our custodian takes an interest.
Newspapers going back a week.
Copier advice.
Their ILL lady wants to talk to our ILL lady, so of course it's transferred to me.
Waving his library card in the air, mutters: "You can use this to scare goolies."
IE hates a website.
Has an examination for her arrived, which leads to countless questions about our location and hours.
Schedules D-1 and E.
Ancient Rome, by Christopher S. Mackay. He proudly tells us we've never owned a single books he's asked for.
"Take me out to the ballgame" on a cellphone.
I give three homeless guys my "You're too loud" evil stare, which they are familiar with.
Printer advice.
"I need someone who speaks Spanish; my English is very bad," he says perfectly.
Time for the evil stare again.
Nursing exam books.
Printer hassles.
Can our cd-roms play itty bitty cds?
Loud babies babbling and shouting in stereo. Is it lunchtime yet?
Type your barcode ...
Abortion books.
Printer advice.

In contrast to the last post, recently I showed a ten year-old boy the murder books. He spots In cold blood. "Kansas! BTK" No, I say, it's not related to BTK. He thinks about it while his mother stands behind him, beaming at her lovely son.

Mother: Where do I put books I don't want?
Me: (Taking a large picture book on coral reefs) I'll take care of it.
Mother: Thank you.
Daughter: But I want to check it out.
Mother: You can't. We're checking out these books.
Daughter: But it's got fishes in it!
Me: Do you want it?
Mother: (To me) Don't listen to her.
Daughter: But I want it! It's got fishes!
Mother: Come along ... (Exit)

What a mean mother ...

In the Afternoon
(After I decide to do an entry, that is ...)

Before the last teardrop falls, by Freddy Fender.
Fax.
Librarian K is mesmerized by a toddler. For the next fifteen minutes I do all of the work.
Your computer isn't frozen, sir; their server is.
Local paper.
Fax.
I think she's asking how to post a picture into a Word document.
DVDs up here. VHS's downstairs, sir. I don't understand it either.
Sorry, ma'am, I don't speak Spanish.
February 28 newspapers.
CEP tax service question.
Information on power plants.
1978 newspaper article.
Computer login help, i.e., it helps if they type their name correctly.
The millionth request for The fire next time, by James Baldwin, and Born on the 4th of July, by Ron Kovic. School assignment.
Our new Haines directory is delivered.
Fax.
Patterson's American education. The patron hums out of tune a lot.
"I need a good book on psychology." He narrowed it down to "conversations."
"All my icons are missing. All that's there is a picture of a black man."
Yes, we have that newspaper. No, we don't offer Spanish classes.
A Strong's concordance.
Computer reset.
Another computer reset (same computer).
I log in an out-of-state patron.
Van Helsing.
"How to buy a home, made easy."
GED books.
Car repair manuals.
To use the computer type your barcode in, sir.
Kelley blue book.
Type your barcode there, sir, right where it says "Your Barcode."
Computer reset.
Change at the front desk, sir.
A patron sneaks up on me while I'm skimming an online article about Annabel Chong. Happily, it's work-safe.
George Eliot.
Printer advice.
Computer reset.

Yesterday:

"I need books about Marcus Gravy." You mean Marcus Garvey? "Garvey, Gravy, whatever."

In the Afternoon:

Type your barcode in to start an online session.
Tax forms are over there.
Sorry, I don't know if Napoleon Dynamite is any good.
Type your barcode ...
Pencil.
"I need a magazine article and I need your help because I know things are not like they used to be ..."
They're too loud, but it's a mother explaining the online catalog to her young daughter. I grit my teeth.
They leave, and and their computer has crashed.
Directions to the library.
Cromagnon man.
Conviction, by Leonard Levitt.
The wedding, by Nicholas Sparks.
Type your barcode ...
Type your barcode ...
CD-ROMs are downstairs, sir.
I ask for her to remove her baby, but she's just leaving anyway.
The call number is that number on the spine, ma'am.
I read that the new Microsoft Search Engine doesn't index Blogspot (owned by Google) pages. This one doesn't come up. Hmm ...
Don't run!
Identity theft? Call the FBI.
You print from this machine here, sir.
Type your barcode ...
Galileo.
Microsoft Word is that blue "W," ma'am.
I give a lady extra time on a WP so she can do her footnotes.
Printer advice.
More printer advice.
Dictionaries are over here, sir.
Oh god, more printer advice. Same patron all three times.
I cancel a computer reservation.
She doesn't read the debit card machine directions, and I get sighed at.
William Harvey.
The local paper online.
Yes, you can take you kid to the kids section, ma'am. That's what it's for.
I extend a man's time so he can finish an application.
Kids' books are downstairs, ma'am.
Today's paper.
I extended the wrong computer's time and he lost his application. I apologize a lot.
A book called "Faith under fire," but which one?
Stapler.
MORE printer advice for the same guy. And it's a bust. He didn't save and now it's gone.
Printer advice for other people.
Sorry, I can't extend your time. We're closing.

An amazingly tall woman asks if oversized books can be checked out. Well, I found it funny.

Yay!

Librarian C was born Saturday and was 6 pds, 15.4 oz. She'll start for us right away. However, Librarian Y is avoiding her duties by doing the maternity leave thing and won't be back until April, maybe.

Back from a three-week vacation. Ready for the challenges of a new year.

In the Morning:

The Attorney General and Solicitor General of the United States.
W-5 forms.
Someone who lived in this town in the 1920s by the name of "May." Apparently he had an expensive car.
How to reach our CEP tax assistance people. They made a mistake.
Printer advice.
Our CEP people have made another mistake.
Microfilm reader advice.
Computer class signup.
Sunday's paper.
Books by Beverly Lewis.
Her mouse won't work.
More microfilm reader advice.
1040A.
Press the green button, sir.
Domain names and how to assign them.
There's a pay phone in the lobby, sir.
PDR.
A total stranger calls me "Mister Peter."
Books on Windows XP and The Perricone Promise, by Nicholas Perricone.
Ma'am, I don't think this is a fax number. The other end just said "Hello."
Resume books.
State tax forms.
Computer crash.
I don't know the form you need, sorry, ma'am.
More tax forms.
Computer crash.
"Can I put my baby on my tax form?"
You may sit at any open computer, ma'am.
Tax forms are over there, sir.
Fax.
You can add money to your card with that machine over there, sir.
Computer illiterate, and legally blind.
Computer workshop schedule (not for him).
Cookbooks.
She wonders where her ILL is?
Books by Mary Wesley.
The coldest winter ever, by Sister Souljah.
Librarian Y arrives. She is very very very very very very very very pregnant. A ticking time bomb.
Poetry about death through drugs, or something like that.
IL-1363.
I don't know how to fill out that form, sir.
Help with Grangers.
Computer workshop signup.
Valueline.
The patron admits it: "The copier is smarter than I am."
Yes, sir, you're on the list for the class.

In the Afternoon:

"Prayer in the public schools, the constitution, just point me to the spot."
Stapler.
She can't reach ILL and it's the library's fault. Click.
Pen.
Change for a five.
L-1363.
I reset the print server. Twice.
"Someone in the bathroom and won't open the door."
Tom Stoppard.
Today's paper.
CEP tax help schedule.
DNA and ribosomes.
I reset two terminals.
Consumer reports.
Your GED books haven't arrived yet, ma'am.
Keep it down, girls.
A four year-old takes a book from the reference shelves because it's pink ......
While her sister dances into the stacks.
You may know how a certain patron (or pack of them) can make you dread coming to work, but while I was on vacation they were banned from the library for fighting. This has made my return bearable.
CEP tax help info.
Don't run, girls.
Missing JFK book.
Fax.
State tax forms.
The thumping behind me is a 2 year-old boy pushing a footstool, sneaking behind the counter.
Computer workshop info.CEP tax help info.

I've changed my mind about that "challenges of a new year" rubbish.

A woman waits twenty minutes for us to tell her the grammar books are three feet behind her.
Librarian B has a man who needs an email account but he's never used a computer and he has to type up a resume and send it to the the power plant because he knows the plant like the back of his hand. He's going on and on about his lack of computer skills. Poor Librarian B can only nod and smile.
And a twenty-minute series of apologies and thank-you's.
I get a patron who has three days to write an extensive paper on world cultures. It is Librarian B's turn to pity me.
How can her file be Word Perfect when she ONLY uses Microsoft Word?
Carrie, by Stephen King, and Animal Farm, by George Orwell. Interesting reading list ...