In the Morning:

"Good morning." Urgh.
Monet's first name.
"Your network won't let me bid on Ebay?" Turn the number lock on, sir.
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
Sometimes you can never figure out what the patron wants, but he's still smiling and nodding at you.
Dinosaurs.
"I want to print this part of the webpage, but not this part."
State tax forms?
Printer advice.
Today's paper.
Books on writing poetry.
Love poetry (different patron).

In the Afternoon:

He hates the microfilm reader and tells me all about it.
Study room.
Child torture in the lobby.
Whiteout, which I run and get from my office because the patron is cute.
That one year-old can't actually be screaming "No way! Fuck you!" could he?
Writer's market.
Overheard: "Why do you rap?" "Oh man, I need a job."
It's so quiet I overexplain the online catalog to kill time.
I make the Word format toolbar magically appear. The patron is happy.
He narrows the subject down to water pollution.
Printer advice.
Our security gal is happiest when she gets to ban a patron.
The printer starts to behave when I show up.
I think someone's being sick over there.
I reset the printer again ...
Tax forms?
The kid shows me the call number "B PEL" and I instantly know what he wants. "How'd you know?"

No Signups Already: 11

In the Morning:

Today's paper.
WPs are over there, sir.
"If a friend of mine had a camera attached to his computer, we could see each other while we chat, right?"
Chess.
How to get to the Word resume templates.
Directions to Michigan.
Copier advice.
Newspaper microfilm.
"My computer literacy is somewhat limited." Sigh.
Copier jam.
"Are you the only place to get these tax forms? The libraries?"
1920s city directories.
He is amazed that, "in this entire big library," we don't have a book that counts all the fractions of ounces from zero to two.
Current criss-cross.
Past criss-cross (different patron).
Fractions?
More criss-crosses.
What liberal media? by Eric Alterman.
Sigh, more criss-crosses.
Printer advice.
Copier advice.

In the Afternoon:

Ghostly terrors, by Daniel Cohen.
A Geneva bible.
Computer workshop schedule.
They'll tell you about your fines at the front desk, ma'am.
Phone to a school of Mariachi. I put two people on hold to find this one.
I leave to teach a workshop.

No Signup: 6

I'm not scheduled for the desk today, but from time to time I was caught out there:

Resume books.
Home decorating.
Into the darkness, by Harry Turtledove.
Another Internet policy complaint.
Another screaming kid.
Teacher certification exams.
Copier advice.
I don't think your file's on that disc, sir.
Lost bathroom key!
Change at the front desk, sir.
Parenting with love and logic, by Foster Cline and Jim Fay.
"Oh, this is a private area, isn't it!"
"It just popped up!" cries the porn viewer.
Books by Gregory Dickow and Norman Vincent Peale.
Glue.

No signup no more: 2 (but I wasn't there a lot)

In the Afternoon:

How to be a landlord.
I give my microfilm loading lecture.
I don't know if it was Brian Keith or Brian Denehy in that movie, sir, if you can't remember the name of the movie.
Knitting books.
Librarian Y and I discuss Atkins.
Every song by Aretha Franklin.
Lodgings near Walt Disney World.
Another microfilm lecture.
Today's paper.
I leave early to teach a class.

Later in the Afternoon

Clownfish.
Books by Thomas Perry.
"It took my dime!" No it didn't, ma'am. Here's your copy right here.
Today's paper.
Military PTSD manual.
A paper we no longer carry.
Librarian M is very nice, but she's very new and needs a lot of help.
Arial photos of the town.
"The keyboard won't work."
Printer advice.
Sorry ma'am, no zip drives here.
Tax workshop info.
Today's paper.
Printer advice.
A complaint about our Internet policy (at the moment we have none).
"Books on the syllablicationand decoding of words. 'Decoding' is breaking a word into syllables."
The bird that, when hatched, pushes all the other eggs out of the nest.
State tax form.
The holy greyhound, by Jean-Claude Schmitt, and Nero, by Edward Champlin.
Decks and drywall.
Today's paper.
Macroeconomics and a Windows tech support question.
Sunday's paper.
Blue hermit crabs.
I don't know what this lady wants. And the website she wants me to try keeps crashing my browser.
Tax forms.
Ionic compounds, or something like that.
2002 yearbooks.
Lawn mower blenny.
Can I help you? "No."
Don't run!
Dream interpretation.
The local code of ordinances; who wrote it?"
"Where are the poem books?" Also ASVAB guides.
Tax forms are over there, ma'am.
Printer advice.

No Signup: 15

In the Afternoon:
Magazines are along that wall, sir.
Printer advice.
Email advice.
Ingles sin barreras, volumes 1-3.
State tax form.
"I was having my picture taken and all of a sudden my kids are missing!"
Scrap paper.
Kentucky phone books.
Printer advice.
"Martin Luther King's speech."
Mustang interior restoration guide, by Art Trantafello.
A man I didn't even help thanks me.
Pigeon breeds.
Classifieds.
Out of Africa, by Isak Dinesen.
The for sale by owner kit, by Robert Irwin.
"Books on this word: akashic."
The file claims to be a Word file, but Word has a different opinion.
Pencil.
Resume books.
Printer advice.
Saturday's paper.

In the Evening:

German and greek cookbooks.
He wants a job here.
Pet peeve: a patron calls me over by wagging a finger.
No, ma'am, I don't know how to fix your resume.
Dictionary.
Juan Ponce De Leon.
Bleachers, by John Grisham.
All the catalog terminals are down.
I again tell the woman I can't fix her resume. "Computer illiterates ..."
The darkest child, by Delores Phillips, Fifth born, by Zelda Lockhart, and Bad girlz, by Shannon Holmes.
Newspaper on microfilm.
A complaint about all the kids.
Local geology.
Print server reset.
"Scientific dictionary."
Today's paper.
He's surprised that we don't have textbooks here.
House inspection exams.
Sorry ma'am, we can't open Appleworks documents here (I say this to her five different times, phrasing it different ways, and she just stares at me).
Occupational outlook handbook, and Holland codes.
I spend a half hour trying to rescue a child's document.
Burbot fish.
Printer advice for the grouchy resume lady.
Sorry sir. No fax.
Books by Sister Souljah.
For the third Monday in a row, the same guy wants me to print out the Oakland A's roster.
More corrupt floppy disc problems.
The return of the king, by J. R. R. Tolkien
I teach the grouchy resume lady how to save to a floppy.
She left three folders here. I can't find them.

No Signups: 12

In the Morning:

Does it count if someone asks for directions on your way to work?
Internet policy over the phone.
Press enter, sir.
"Ain't you got nothin' with Notepad or Wordpad?"
Financial aid books.
Upholstery books.
Pen and paper.
"Has this book reached the library yet, or do I gotta go to a bookstore?" (The Da Vinci code).
Cayman Islands.
Floor plans.
Today's paper.
Daddy cool, by Donald Goines.
Printer advice.
Printer advice.
The server forgets about a 23-page document.
Consumer info on gas ranges and refridgerators.
Printer advice.
I play tech support for Compuserve, Windows, and whoever built the patron's CD/RW drive.
How to create an email acount.
"That man's been on his cell phone for thirty minutes."
Bel canto, by Anna Pratchett, and Absolute friends, by John Le Carre.

In the Afternoon:

Reboot.
"The lady said we could play music in here."
One thousand white women, by Jim Fergus.
Notarization.
FAFSA on the web.
Valueline.
We close at six, sir, and don't sneak up on me like that.
"You can print 1040s off the website?" Why are they so amazed?
Restroom. I told you not to sneak up on me.
Sorry, for the last time we're out of Lesko books.
Shut up!
WWII maps.
Last Sunday's paper.
Hinduism.
There's another copier downstairs, sir.
The combination of patron ignorance of computers and their desperate, clinging needs is driving me ... Sorry, I'm better now.
Bathroom.
Biopsies.
Blue screen of death.
Click there to place a hold, sir.
Can I help you? (click)
It's getting so I want to strangle even our most sane and reasonable patrons ...
(Sigh) No, sir press that button there.
"(giggle) I forgot how to print."
Can you narrow it down at all? We have a lot of "poetry."
"Can I download and print an Adobe .pdf document?" Later I have to tell him to click "print."
Dogs, the ultimate dictionaryh of over 1,000 breeds, by Desmond Morris.
"Is there a Kelley's for firearms?" I'll tell you, sir, if you shut that kid up (I didn't really say that).
Selena.
Auto body parts.

No Signup Dammit: 15